Friday Sketch War

I wrote a sketch and posted it. Richard did the same and challenged me to a Sketch War. This will, hopefully, be an ongoing exercise, which you are free to join us in. Simply write a sketch and post it on your blog every Friday. Be sure to let me or Richard know about it and we’ll post links to it. I haven’t seen one from Richard yet, but he’s in a different time zone, so I’m just assuming he’s still in bed. But Dave, the early bird, has already lobbed the first sketch grenade of the day and it’s pretty damn funny.

Update: Richard has launched an assault. (Not to be confused with an insult.)

But enough chit-chat! Once more unto the breech dear friends!

“A Dream Upon Waking”

(Mary #1 stands in the middle of the stage wearing a surgical gown. Dr. Peter enters with a chart.)

MARY #1: Give it to me straight, doc. I’m dying aren’t I?

PETER: No no no. But I am going to need you to tell me why your father loved your sister more than you.

MARY: Well, I suppose, I wasn’t enough of a tomboy for him.

PETER: Oh Mary, this isn’t good. It isn’t good at all.

(Jerry races in and shakes Mary.)

JERRY: Mary, wake up! You’re dreaming.

(Jerry races off.)

PETER: Now, Mary I’m just going to take off my pants and we’ll continue the examination.

(Peter begins unbuckling his pants. The lights shift to another part of the stage and Mary #2 is sitting at table having coffee with Denise.)

MARY #2: And then I woke up.

DENISE: A doctor, with no pants, talking about your father? Sounds like a perverted sex dream to me.

MARY #2: Everything is sex to you.

DENISE: That’s because I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body.

MARY #2: You’re a lesbian?

DENISE: No. I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body.

(Jerry races in and shakes Mary #2)

JERRY: Mary, wake up! Wake up!

(Jerry runs off. Denise removes her wig and begins to unbuckle her pants.)

DENISE: Now you tell me if you’ve ever seen a unit this big in the girl’s locker room before.

(The lights shift to another part of the stage and Mary #3 is talking to Chip in the office break room.)

MARY #3: And it was me, but it wasn’t me, you know?

CHIP: I hate dreams like that.

(Jerry races in.)

JERRY: Seriously Mary, Wake Up!

(Jerry races off. Dr. Peter enters without his pants.)

PETER: Ah, there you are. If you would kindly bend over that table we can continue with the examination.

(The lights shift to another part of the stage. Mary #1, Mary #2 and Mary #3 are standing next to each other.)

MARY #3: This can’t be good.

MARY #2: I wouldn’t think so.

MARY #1: You guys want to make out?

(The three Marys look at one another. They shrug their shoulders.)

MARY #2/MARY #3: Sure.

(The lights go out on stage and single spot comes up on Jerry sitting in the audience. He awakens with a start and looks around at everyone looking at him.)

JERRY: Damn it. You always wake up before the best part.

(Dr. Peter, still pantless, appears behind Jerry.)

PETER: All righty then. If you’ll just bend over we can continue the examination.