JANE

This week, disgraced Wall Street financier Bernard Madoff pleaded guilty to all eleven felony counts brought against him by the government. With a special Weekend Update editorial commentary here’s Weekend Update correspondent Ms. Emily Litella.

EMILY

Thank you very much Jane.  What’s all this commotion about Bernie Madoff, and his Fonzie scheme?  We could use a good Fonzie scheme in these trying times! Fonzie’s schemes were always very clever and people would tune in by the thousands to see what schemes that nice young man could come up with. Fonzie Schemes always ended happily at the end of each episode,or sometimes it would take two episodes, but they always worked out by the end of that second part. Sometimes it looked like his schemes wouldn’t work, like that time he wanted to jump that man eating shark, and everyone told him he was stupid to try and jump that shark, and even his best friend Richie told him not to, but Fonzie knew it would work, and he jumped that shark, and he made it all the way over safely and everyone was so happy.  And this Mr. Madoff fellow looks an awful lot like the actor who played Arthur Fonzarelli looks today.  They both have those sort of big noses, and flowing silver hair.  If anyone can pull off a Fonzie scheme, it’s going to be someone who looks like the real Fonzie.  So maybe if we give him a chance..

JANE

Ms. Litella, it was a Ponzi scheme.

EMILY

Excuse me?

JANE

Ponzi...Ponzi scheme, not a Fonzie Scheme.  It’s an illegal financial scheme that takes money from people without ever giving any back.

EMILY

Oh...well that’s different. Never mind.