FSW: Spare Changes

If I keep this up, the west coast guy is going to get a reputation for consistently being late to post! What can I say – we San Franciscans just get lost in our gay marriages and medical marijuana 🙂

Speaking of such radical things, this weeks theme (provided by Michael), was “change” . I decided to play with the word change on two levels, as well as working on a more relationship \ character based slice of life scene (with a healthy does of satirical social commentary as well…t least I HOPE that’s how it comes off 🙂

RICHARD (not Robert…sorry about that Richard….see aformementioned note about medical marijuana) gave us the kind of change we could only get through super-powers (“form of a pig…with lipstick”), and Michael helps us look at the bright side of life (feel free to whistle along, Monty Python fans).

And….since it appears I’ve been given the honor of picking the topic for next week…

I was very tempted to pick “lipstick on a pig” as our theme, but I’ll veer away from political inspiration this round.

Instead, our theme will be (drum roll, please)……..SPORTS
in honor of this being the time of year when Baseball winds down and footbal ramps up.

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EXT. – COMMUTER TRAIN STATION – DAY

CHARLIE, a well dressed business man in a suit, stands waiting for the morning train into the city, Wall Street Journal tucked under one arm, sipping a Grande Starbuck’s coffee. A few other well heeled commuters also stand around the platform waiting for their train.

RAOUL, a ragged homeless-looking black man stumbles up onto the platform. He approaches a few of the commuters panhandling. All of them turn him down, ignore him, or just step away in disgust. Finally, RAOUL approaches CHARLIE.

RAOUL
Hey man, can you help a brother out?

CHARLIE
Sorry….I Don’t have any change.

RAOUL
Change?? I didn’t say shit about change….can’t buy shit with change now days. I asked for some help…but you wanna share some cash I’ll haul off a few dead presidents for you! Ha ha!

CHARLIE
I don’t have anything smaller than a twenty.

RAOUL holds out his hand with a smile, waiting for CHARLIE to hand it over.

CHARLIE
I’m not giving you 20 dollars.

RAOUL
Tell you what…give me that twenty, and I’ll go get change for you.

RAOUL holds out his hand and smiles again
CHARLIE just stares at RAOUL for a moment in disbelief

CHARLIE
I forgot….I don’t have any cash on me right now…I didn’t have a chance to go by an ATM last night.

RAOUL
You got NO cash on you at all???

CHARLIE
Nope

RAOUL
Rich lookin’ muthafucka like you?

CHARLIE
Zilch

RAOUL
Not even single ratty old Benjamin you keep stuffed in your shoe for emergencies?

CHARLIE
Not a single bill.

RAOUL
So how’d you pay for that coffee?

CHARLIE
Starbuck’s card.

RAOUL looks frustrated, and starts to go, then turns back.

RAOUL
Train fare?

CHARLIE
Commuter card.

RAOUL
Shit

Starts to leave again….but gets an idea for one last go

RAOUL
How you buyin’ your lunch?

CHARLIE
Debit-ATM card.

RAOUL
Goddamn plastic cards everywhere man – no wonder the planet’s fucked.

CHARLIE
Excuse me.

RAOUL
Planet-fucking asshole.

CHARLIE
You have no right to pass any judgment on me, my stinky little friend!

RAOUL
I have every damn right man! You middle class money-sluts fuck up everything you touch. I’m out here living the utopian ideal.

CHARLIE
Oh please!

RAOUL
Man, dig this – I don’t commute, so I don’t pollute. I eat what other people were going to throw away. I wear what others are done wearing.

CHARLIE
And you smell like a baboon.

RAOUL
I don’t fuckin’ shower man…I don’t waste no water!!! I live wherever I want, under whatever I find, no house made from no cut-down forest, don’t use no electricity generated from no fossil fuels, don’t use no air conditioning leaking toxic chemicals….

CHARLIE
You pay no property taxes so you do nothing to help the community. You pay no income tax, so you do nothing to help clean up the environment or get homeless people off the streets. You consume no fuel, so you create no profit for companies developing alternative energy sources…

RAOUL
Blah-dy blah-dy blah-dy blah-dy blah-dy blah. You’re just scramblin’ your ass off to fix what you fucked up. I’m not fucking nothing up to begin with, so it ain’t my job to pay for fixin’ it.

CHARLIE
Give me a break. You’re just making excuses for being a worthless drain on society.

RAOUL
And you’re living your entire life in denial, trying to buy off your guilt for messing things up.

CHARLIE
I have nothing to feel guilty about. I live a good environmentally conscientious Christians lifestyle.

RAOUL
Man, you’re a middle class white guy….every last bit of shit in the world is your fucking fault! Racism, sexism, holy wars, genocide, diabetes, heart disease, Michael Bolton, keeping “Two and a Half Men” at the top of the Nielsen ratings….ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!

CHARLIE
Look, you’re getting a little loud, let’s calm down…

RAOUL
Oh….the homeless black man is getting a little too uppity for the nice white man…overstepping his station in life…

CHARLIE
(Looking around the platform)
People are starting to stare…let’s just tone this down.

RAOUL
You can’t even look at me, can you….you look at me and all you see is guilt…guilt for sucking up money that could be distributed amongst everyone in society instead of being hoovered up by the elitist white minority to upgrade their iPhones.

CHARLIE
I have
n’t upgraded, I’m waiting for them to fix the 3G issues….

RAOUL
When you look at me, you see thousands of years of oppression, of your kind screwing over people that didn’t look like you, didn’t pray like you, or just plain got a bit too uppity for you

CHARLIE
Quiet down friend…people are starting to stare.

RAOUL
Man, I ain’t you’re god damn friend! I am your goddamn stepping stool!!

CHARLIE
Look, pal…

RAOUL
I’m a man…respect me and call me by the name my mama gave me!!!

CHARLIE
You haven’t told me your name!!!

RAOUL
That’s your own goddamn fault!

CHARLIE
(noticing people staring)
Just, please…quiet down….you’re making a scene.

RAOUL
Ohhhhhh….I see how it is. Big bad money-making white dude can’t handle a helpless little homeless man. Mr. middle-class gettin’ all embarrassed that other white folks see him crumble in the face of the ugly truth.

CHARLIE
I’m….I feel no guilt…it’s my fault you’re homeless….it’s your choices that have..

RAOUL
(to the crowd)
THAT’S RIGHT PEOPLE….MR. WALL STREET FUCKING-JOURNAL HERE CAN’T HANDLE ONE DOWN ON HIS LUCK BLACK MAN!!! MR. MONEY BAGS WOULD RATHER SPEND HIS WHOLE LIFE SHOVELING MONEY INTO A CORRUPT SYSTEM…A SYSTEM THAT HIDES PEOPLE IN SHELTERS!!! HE WANTS A WORLD WHERE HIS VIEW ISN’T CLUTTERED WITH POOR PEOPLE SO HE CAN DRINK HIS LATTE IN PEACE!!!

CHARLIE
Oh God….

RAOUL
HE WANTS SOME CORPORATE MEGAPOWER TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE POOR BLACK PEOPLE INTO CLEAN BURNING FUEL FOR HIS GODDAMN LEXUS!!!

CHARLIE
I never said that…I…

RAOUL
I COULD BE THE SECOND GODDAMN COMING OF JESUS-FUCKING-CHRIST, BUT AS LONG AS I’M A POOR BLACK MAN THIS RICH FUCKER HERE WOULD TURN JEW BEFORE HE GAVE ME A SINGLE DOLLAR!!!

CHARLIE
Look…I just remembered I keep some money in my briefcase…here’s a ten.

RAOUL
I ain’t takin’ that.

CHARLIE
What?

RAOUL
I ain’t takin your goddamn dirty money. I will not be pulled out of Utopia by your hush-money, Satan.

CHARLIE
But this all started with…

RAOUL
(for the benefit of other commuters)
I DO NOT WANT YOUR GOD DAMN GUILT MONEY, WHITE DEVIL!!! YOU CAN’T BUY YOUR CONSCIENCE BACK FROM ME, OPPRESSOR!!!

CHARLIE
Look….here’s a twenty….you said you’d take a twenty earlier, right?

RAOUL
(again performing)
RICH WHITE MAN BUYS CONSCIENCE FROM POOR NIGGER FOR TWENTY BUCKS…FILM AT ELEVEN!!!

CHARLIE
Oh dear God…look, here’s a hundred and fifteen dollars, and my Starbuck’s card…there’s still thirty-five dollars on it…all yours if you’ll just stop this…please!!!

RAOUL thinks it over

RAOUL
Can you get them breakfast sandwiches with that card?

CHARLIE
Yes…it’s Good for anything in the place

RAOUL
Whole bean coffee?

CHARLIE
Yes…everything

RAOUL thinks it over even more

RAOUL
Alright…I accept your guilt money, and your environment-destroying cash card to the white supremacist coffee empire, in the name of restoring peace to my Utopia.

CHARLIE
Thank you.

RAOUL
I can see you feel real regret, and have rethought your place in the world.

CHARLIE
You have no idea.

RAOUL
This doesn’t absolve you from your crimes or relieve you of your guilt.

CHARLIE
I know.

RAOUL
Alright. You’ve got a a good heart under that oppressor’s skin.

CHARLIE
Thank you. And I’m truly sorry for everything my people have ever done to yours…I’ll spend the rest of my life being unbelievably aware of that, and trying to find a way to make it right.

RAOUL walks off stage. CHARLIE closes up his briefcase, relived that it’s all over.

RAOUL suddenly darts back on stage and over to CHARLIE

RAOUL
Say, you gonna be back for the morning commute tomorrow?

BLACK OUT