Sketch War

Category: Sketches

Sketch Entries from the warriors

  • Facebook of Genesis

    God joined Facebook.

    God changed his Profile Picture.

    God is now friends with Lucifer.
    Lucifer: ’Sup! Welcome! (Careful, it’s addictive!)
    (more…)

  • Six Degrees of Desperation

    INT. CROWDED SUBWAY CAR – DAY

    Darrell Rogers, young and grungy. squeezes onto the packed car. He is pressed right up against Vinton Cerf, older and distinguished. Darrell is staring at Vinton, who is trying to read the paper.

    VINTON

    Can I help you?

    DARRELL

    Huh?

    VINTON

    You’re staring.

    DARRELL

    Sorry.

    Darrell looks away. Vinton goes back to reading.

    DARRELL

    It’s just that. Well, I think I know you.

    Vinton looks at him.

    VINTON

    I don’t think so.

    DARRELL

    No. I’m pretty sure I know you from somewhere.

    VINTON

    What’s your name?

    DARRELL

    Darrell Rogers.

    Vinton thinks for a moment.

    VINTON

    No. Sorry. I’m pretty good with names. I don’t think we’ve ever met.

    DARRELL

    I know, I know you from somewhere. Did you go to Ohio State?

    VINTON

    Stanford. Then UCLA.

    DARRELL

    Ever work at Borders?

    VINTON

    Ah, no.

    DARRELL

    Weird. You look so familiar to me.

    VINTON

    Must have one of those faces.

    DARRELL

    That’s it!

    VINTON

    What’s that?

    DARRELL

    Facebook. We’re friends on Facebook.

    VINTON

    We are?

    DARRELL

    Yeah, I work with Jenny Barr, who’s friends with Perry Silverman who’s friends Maggie Thornburg who’s friends with Fred Burns who’s friends with Larry Page who, as you well know, is friends with you. I friended you through the “Friends You May Know” feature.

    VINTON

    Ah.

    DARRELL

    Man, how are you? I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you face to face. (beat) From Facebook.

    Darrell laughs at his own joke. Vinton does not. The train stops.

    VINTON

    This is me.

    Vinton steps off the train.

    DARRELL

    Dude, we should get drinks some time. Catch up.

    VINTON

    Um.

    DARRELL

    I’ll poke you later to remind you.

    VINTON

    Please don’t.

    Darrell is grinning and waving to Vinton. The doors slide closed and the train glides off. Vinton takes a small Moleskine notepad out of his breast pocket and opens it up. We see that there is a list on the page. At the top of the page it reads:

    1) Finish time machine.

    2) Go back and stop Hitler from being born.

    3) Buy milk.

    Vinton scratches out #2 and pencils in:

    STOP SELF FROM INVENTING INTERNET!

    He underlines it twice, replaces the notebook and walks off.

    FADE OUT:

  • Facebook Saves The Day

    We continue to move across the land, sweeping aside our enemies and bringing new blood into our fold. Here’s a sketch from the very latest Warrior to join our ranks, Jennifer Best.

    Join me in welcoming this brave battler into the ring.

    If we don’t scare Jennifer off – I’m looking at you, Brownlee! – she will hopefully become a permanent member of our ranks.

    (more…)

  • “Why Don’t You Read My Blog?”

    Hi all — here’s my take on the “social networking” edition of Sketchwar….

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  • Who Watches the Tweeters?

    Very short, but I’m really happy with this one. Thank Twitterer @theisb for the final line.

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  • Just Like on that Website…You Know?

    I have been mulling this one over in my head since my buddy Stephen Mark Rainey visited – he’s big into Geo Caching. Mark…this one’s for you…  I wanted to choose a social network that was unlikely to cross-over with the others on the site…and I’ve always had a soft spot for the sort of humor brought to the world by Cheech and Chong…this one is ALSO for you man…Dave many not be THERE…but he’s here, right?
    (more…)

  • Grosvenor Square

    Sketch War
    A Bit of Fry and Spiner Edition
    “Grosvenor Square”

    (more…)

  • An Old Fashioned

    Perhaps I took this one a bit too literally.

    Lights up on a traditional, proscenium stage. The velvet, red curtains part to reveal a door. Reginald Jeeves (a proper British butler) arrives at the door at the same moment as Lt. Commander Data (a very formal android). Jeeves tips his hat and extends his hand toward the door.

    JEEVES

    After you, sir.

    DATA

    I’m afraid I could not allow that. It would be...rude.

    JEEVES

    Please, sir, I insist.

    DATA

    I am programmed with the finest manners.

    JEEVES

    As am I, sir. Please. After you.

    DATA

    After you.

    JEEVES

    After you.

    DATA

    I must insist, sir, that you enter the door first.

    JEEVES

    I’m afraid that won’t be happening.

    DATA

    Then we are at an impasse.

    JEEVES

    It appears –

    A Klingon warrior leaps onto the stage and cuts Data’s head off with a Batleth then runs off.

    JEEVES

    It’s certainly not worth losing your head over.

    Jeeves mugs to the audience as a loud rim-shot is heard. SILENCE.

    JEEVES

    (Under his breath)

    We’re not at ComicCon anymore, Toto.

    The curtain falls and the lights go out.

  • The Modernistic

    (Ridgeview: a small college town in central Illinois, nestled amidst the prairies and the cornfields.)

    (Exterior shot of the Ridgeview bus station. Summer, early evening. We hear the tinny sound of a telephone ringing, as heard through a receiver. Dissolve to the bus station’s interior. Camera pans across a line of payphones and comes to rest on one that is missing its receiver. Camera follows the cord down and finds HARRY DOWNING curled up on the floor beneath the payphone, the receiver cradled against his cheek. He is clutching a carry-on bag.)

    (more…)

  • Fry and Spiner: RA’s entry

    The Mates Running the Asylum

    I’ve written this one as the first scene for a pilot. It’s not as boom-boom-boom funny as many sketches, but I think it works as a teaser for something more with a few chuckles as well. Let me know what you think.

    (more…)