Not my best work. I’m going to leave it at that. I think it’s a cute-ish setup, and I don’t mind the payoff, but it’s clunky and clumsy and the dialog sucks. Sorry. Blame David for picking this week’s theme of payroll<\/b>. Michael’s up for next week’s theme. My fingers are crossed that it doesn’t hurt quite like this one!<\/i>
<\/i><\/p>\n
(Payroll department. TIM, 30s and beige as the cubes and carpet of his department, sits at his desk. MARY, late 20s but holding tight to her early 20s, stands at his side.)
TITLE: WELLS FARGO SOUTHWEST REGIONAL DATA CENTER, PAYROLL DEPARTMENT, PAYDAY, 11:59AM.<\/p>\n
MARY
I don\u2019t understand why we don\u2019t just send out an email.<\/p>\n
TIM
Corporate needs hard copies of everyone\u2019s AR-13s, in triplicate.<\/p>\n
MARY
Tree killers.<\/p>\n
TIM
That\u2019s just the way things are done. If we don\u2019t get those in, no one\u2019s getting paid next month.<\/p>\n
MARY
I know, I know. I\u2019ll take care of it. I just don\u2019t know why it\u2019s got to be this way.<\/p>\n
TIM
Personally, I like doing things the old way. I like knowing I\u2019ve got a file cabinet filled with all the documents I need to get us through any audit. What do you have with an email?<\/p>\n
(Gunfire announces the arrival of THREE COWPOKES, dusty, mustachioed, and 120 years too late. Ringleader DALE steps front and center and shoots his two six-shooters.)<\/p>\n
DALE
Yeehah! Alright you lily-livered hangdogs. Hand over the loot.<\/p>\n
MARY
Sir, you can\u2019t fire guns in–<\/p>\n
(Dale shoots Mary. Dead.)<\/p>\n
DALE
Yeehah!<\/p>\n
TIM
(sighing)
Great. Do you know how long it takes to train a good payroll clerk? What do you want.<\/p>\n
DALE
We\u2019re aimin\u2019 to take your payroll off your hands, pardner.<\/p>\n
TIM
Take our…you want to steal our payroll?<\/p>\n
DALE
You betcha!
(to henchmen)
He ain\u2019t the sharpest fella, is he?<\/p>\n
TIM
You do realize that most of our employees just have direct deposit, right?<\/p>\n
DALE
What in tarnation is that?<\/p>\n
TIM
Pay is deposited directly into their bank accounts. No paychecks, no cash. All they get is a stub.<\/p>\n
DALE
Goldang it all! The world\u2019s just changin\u2019 too fast for this ol\u2019 outlaw.<\/p>\n
TIM
I know how you feel.<\/p>\n
DALE
I s\u2019pose they get medical, too.<\/p>\n
TIM
And dental.<\/p>\n
(Dale raises his eyebrow suggestively. Lights come down and back up. Tim sits alone at his desk. Dale comes up in the same dusty cowboy gear. He shoots into the air.)<\/p>\n
TITLE: WELLS FARGO SOUTHWEST REGIONAL DATA CENTER, PAYROLL DEPARTMENT, ONE WEEK LATER<\/p>\n
DALE
Yeehah! Here are them AR-13s, boss!<\/p>\n
BLACKOUT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Not my best work. I’m going to leave it at that. I think it’s a cute-ish setup, and I don’t mind the payoff, but it’s clunky and clumsy and the dialog sucks. Sorry. Blame David for picking this week’s theme of payroll. Michael’s up for next week’s theme. My fingers are crossed that it doesn’t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[99,182,236],"class_list":["post-97","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-humor","tag-sketch-war","tag-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/97","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=97"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/97\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=97"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=97"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=97"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}