Ugh. I picked this week’s topic and could NOT be more irritated with myself. March Madness is a time of rejoicing over upsets and crying over busted brackets, not trying to put write sketch comedy! I’m a maroon. Oh well. This one’s…well…not very funny, but it’ll do I guess. Y’all be the judges.<\/p>\n
INT. BASKETBALL ARENA – DAY<\/p>\n
Tight on BILL RAFTERY and VERNE LUNDQUIST wearing headsets.<\/p>\n
VERNE<\/p>\n
Welcome back to Boise where the seventh-ranked Trojans of USC are hanging on to a two point lead over the tenth-ranked Michigan State Spartans. Tom Izzo’s club had trailed by as many as 15 with less than a minute to go.<\/p>\n
BILL<\/p>\n
The zebras are still trying to sort out that last play.<\/p>\n
VERNE<\/p>\n
Walk us through the replay, partner.<\/p>\n
CUT TO:<\/p>\n
Score on CHYRON reads MSU 58\/USC 73. Clock at :41. The USC PLAYERS walk out of the huddle and look around confused.<\/p>\n
BILL<\/p>\n
USC came out of the huddle ready to go straight up<\/p>\n
(said so fast it’s one syllable)<\/p>\n
man-to-man.<\/p>\n
One player walks to center court. There is a LARGE WOODEN HORSE. He takes a NOTE and reads it, then wheels it back to the three-point line.<\/p>\n
BILL (CONT’D)<\/p>\n
But didn’t know what to make of the gift horse.<\/p>\n
The horse splits open and FIVE MSU PLAYERS step out with basketballs. Three of the players shoot from downtown. The other two drive to the hoop for uncontested dunks.<\/p>\n
VERNE<\/p>\n
Just goes to show that despite the old adage, you should always look a gift horse in the mouth.<\/p>\n
BILL<\/p>\n
Exactly, Verne. Izzo went old-school and it paid off.<\/p>\n
The score reads MSU 71\/USC 73.<\/p>\n
CUT TO:<\/p>\n
Tight on Raftery and Lundquist.<\/p>\n
VERNE<\/p>\n
Looks like the referees have finished their discussion and they’ve put 15 seconds on the clock. But wait a minute, the Trojans’ mascot is running onto the floor!<\/p>\n
Camera pulls back to show the full court. Players mill with coaches by their respective benches. The TROJAN wheels around with the refs chasing him.<\/p>\n
TROJAN<\/p>\n
Woo-hoo! March Madness, Baby!<\/p>\n
He picks up a ball and bounces it off a referee’s face.<\/p>\n
BILL<\/p>\n
With a kiss!<\/p>\n
The SPARTANS’ MASCOT walks on the court. The Trojan stops running and stands in front of him.<\/p>\n
TROJAN<\/p>\n
This is madness!<\/p>\n
SPARTAN<\/p>\n
This! Is! Sparta!<\/p>\n
He kicks the Trojan in the family jewels.<\/p>\n
BILL<\/p>\n
Onions!<\/p>\n
BLACKOUT:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ugh. I picked this week’s topic and could NOT be more irritated with myself. March Madness is a time of rejoicing over upsets and crying over busted brackets, not trying to put write sketch comedy! I’m a maroon. Oh well. This one’s…well…not very funny, but it’ll do I guess. Y’all be the judges. [fountain] INT. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[28,125,192],"class_list":["post-837","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-basketball","tag-march-madness","tag-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/837","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=837"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/837\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=837"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=837"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=837"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}