{"id":83,"date":"2008-07-04T12:35:00","date_gmt":"2008-07-04T20:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=83"},"modified":"2008-07-04T12:35:00","modified_gmt":"2008-07-04T20:35:00","slug":"fsw-reaction-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/?p=83","title":{"rendered":"FSW: Reaction Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"
The gauntlet was thrown down and I tripped over it, but never picked it up. It’s been a long week and I thought I was being good by getting this sketch written the other day. I just couldn’t shift gears to the 4th mode fast enough. Maybe next week.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n
However, if you want to read about our <\/span>zombie forefathers<\/span><\/a>, Richard’s got you covered.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n
If you want to read about the tragic consequences of choosing the wrong lip gloss, I’m all over that this week.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n
Enjoy. And Happy Birthday Nation o’ mine.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Pants on Fire<\/p>\n

AT RISE: In total darkness we hear giggling and keys rattling. A door opens and we see the silhouettes of Sarah and Mark stumble through in mid make out. They might fall or stumble over some furniture.<\/p>\n

MARK: (Laughing) Let me turn on a light.<\/p>\n

SARAH: No. Not yet.<\/p>\n

(Things get quiet. We hear a Zipper going down.)<\/p>\n

MARK: (Taking a breath) Oh wow. Sarah\u2026<\/p>\n

SARAH: Shhhh. Just enjoy the ride.<\/p>\n

(We hear the sounds of pleasure coming from both of them. More from Mark. Mark\u2019s moans of pleasure start to turn to moans of discomfort.)<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

MARK: Ow. Ow! Sarah wait.<\/p>\n

SARAH: Are you all right?<\/p>\n

MARK: Something\u2019s not right.<\/p>\n

SARAH: Too much teeth?<\/p>\n

(Mark fumbles for the lamp. The lights come on and we see that they are both dressed nicely, for a night out. Mark is zipping up his pants. His pain and her panic will increase throughout the following.)<\/p>\n

MARK: No, my face. It feels like it\u2019s on fire. And itching.<\/p>\n

(He is scratching.)<\/p>\n

SARAH: Oh yeah, it looks like you\u2019ve got some red blotches on your neck.<\/p>\n

MARK: Oh no.<\/p>\n

SARAH: What? What is it?<\/p>\n

MARK: I think I\u2019m having an allergic reaction.<\/p>\n

SARAH: To what? To me?<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

MARK: Maybe. Maybe something I ate.<\/p>\n

SARAH: Is this bad? Do you need to go to the hospital?<\/p>\n

MARK: Depends on what it isth. Oh sthit. My tongue\u2019s stharting to swell.<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

SARAH: All right. What do I need to do?<\/p>\n

(Mark is now beginning to feel it in his crotch.)<\/p>\n

MARK: Oh! Oh wow. Thisth can\u2019t be good.<\/p>\n

SARAH: What now?<\/p>\n

(Mark turns his back and unzips his pants.)<\/p>\n

MARK: I think it\u2019s swelling.<\/p>\n

SARAH: Well, couldn\u2019t that be because I was\u2026<\/p>\n

MARK: Not that kind of swelling. Oh no! More red blotches! Did you useth hand cr\u00e8me today?<\/p>\n

SARAH: Yeah. Earlier.<\/p>\n

MARK: What kind?<\/p>\n

SARAH: Ponds.<\/p>\n

MARK: Was it sthented with anything? Vanilla? Peacheth?<\/p>\n

SARAH: No. No, I always use the unscented kind.<\/p>\n

MARK: Your lip gloss.<\/p>\n

SARAH: What about it?<\/p>\n

MARK: What kind?<\/p>\n

SARAH: Lip Venom.<\/p>\n

MARK: What\u2019s it made of?<\/p>\n

SARAH: It\u2019s cinnamon and ginger spices\u2026<\/p>\n

MARK: Thinnamon! It\u2019s the thinnamon! I\u2019m fucking allergic to thinnamon!<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

SARAH: How was I supposed to know? This is only our third date! I don\u2019t even know what your favorite movie is or if you had any pets when you were a kid.<\/p>\n

(Mark\u2019s is having trouble breathing.)<\/p>\n

MARK: I think my throat is closthing up.<\/p>\n

SARAH: I\u2019m calling 911.<\/p>\n

MARK: I can\u2019t go to the hosthpital becausth of swelling in my dick.<\/p>\n

SARAH: But if you\u2019re going to die\u2026<\/p>\n

MARK: I justht need sthome benedryll.<\/p>\n

SARAH: Do you have a bee sting kit?<\/p>\n

MARK: I\u2019m not allergic to beesth!<\/p>\n

SARAH: Well, do you have a\u2026cinnamon\u2026sting kit? <\/p>\n

MARK: What?<\/p><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

SARAH: What do you normally do when you have an allergic reaction to cinnamon?<\/p>\n

MARK: It\u2019th never been this bad before.<\/p>\n

(She goes into the kitchen and comes back out with a wet dish towel.)<\/p>\n

MARK: You can\u2019t justht wash it off.<\/p>\n

SARAH: I don\u2019t know what else to do.<\/p>\n

(His breathing is becoming more labored.)<\/p>\n

MARK: I justht need to sthit down for a minute.<\/p>\n

(He sits on the couch, wheezing.)<\/p>\n

SARAH: I think we need to get you to a hospital.<\/p>\n

MARK: (Getting woozy)No, no, no. No hosthpitalsth. Maybe thisth will passth.<\/p>\n

(With that he passes out.)<\/p>\n

SARAH: Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.<\/p>\n

(She lightly taps his face, trying to rouse him.)<\/p>\n

SARAH: Mark! Wake up! Please!<\/p>\n

(She freezes.)<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

SARAH: What if dies? Killed by a blow job. I\u2019ll never live it down.<\/p>\n

(She begins to frantically shake him, slapping him harder on the face.)<\/p>\n

SARAH: Wake up! Wake up, you allergenic pussy!<\/p>\n

(She crams the wet towel onto his face, pushing into his mouth.)<\/p>\n

SARAH: I am not a murderess!!!<\/p>\n

(The thrashing rolls them off onto the floor. The jolt brings Sarah to her senses.)<\/p>\n

SARAH: Oh, God. I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n

(She cradles his head and wipes him with the towel. Mark starts to come around.)<\/p>\n

SARAH: Yeah, that\u2019s it. Come back to me. Come back.<\/p>\n

MARK: (Weakly) Stharah? Isth that you?<\/p>\n

SARAH: I\u2019m right here, Mark.<\/p>\n

MARK: I think I\u2019m stharting to feel sthlightly better. Maybe the towel wasth the way to go.<\/p>\n

SARAH:You\u2019re alive. I\u2019m so happy you\u2019re alive!<\/p>\n

(Sarah, in her excitement, bends over and kisses Mark on the lips.)<\/p>\n

MARK: Noooo!<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT OUT<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The gauntlet was thrown down and I tripped over it, but never picked it up. It’s been a long week and I thought I was being good by getting this sketch written the other day. I just couldn’t shift gears to the 4th mode fast enough. Maybe next week. However, if you want to read […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[14,80,182],"class_list":["post-83","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-allergies","tag-funny-ha-ha","tag-sketch-war"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=83"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=83"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=83"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=83"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}