I was a little skeptical about this weeks challenge at first – writing sketches for what (in some cases) are iconic characters created by comic geniuses felt intimidating and limiting.\u00a0 But for me, it ended up being a way of bringing some of my favorite characters into the modern world, and seeing what they’d think of it.\u00a0 So here’s my take on…well, why ruin the surprise….<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
INT. EXECUTIVE OFFICE – DAY<\/p>\n
BARRY, a mid-level management type in a button down shirt and khakis, sits at his desk in a modern-day office, talking on the phone which is stretched across the room, staring at his computer monitor, and tapping keys on the keyboard.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
(speaking into the phone)<\/p>\n
No Bob...it\u2019s still stuck. IT said a guy would be down to like 30 minutes ago. Yeah...some first day.\u00a0 No wonder you hired me to get things back on track around here.<\/p>\n
A knock on the door<\/p>\n
BARRY (CONT)<\/p>\n
Hey, that\u2019s the IT guy.\u00a0 I\u2019ll catch you at the meeting.<\/p>\n
Barry hangs up<\/p>\n
BARRY (CONT)<\/p>\n
Come in.<\/p>\n
The door opens, and in walks the SAMURAI, with swords and horn-rimmed glasses, pushing a cart full of computer paraphernalia. Everyone freezes when the announcer speaks<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
And now it\u2019s time for another episode of \u201cSamurai IT Guy\u201d.<\/p>\n
Everyone unfreezes<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Geez, it\u2019s about time. I called almost an hour ago.<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
(pointing and using cell phone to indicate he\u2019s been swamped with calls)<\/p>\n
Dorrr yahhhha ma ni cho.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
I know you\u2019re busy, but so am I okay.\u00a0 So let\u2019s just get this fixed.<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
Nee goyo tai bo mai nechiua?<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Well, I was just working on my Power Point presentation for the executive meeting, and my computer just froze.<\/p>\n
The Samurai gently pushes Barry out of the way and squares off on Barry\u2019s desktop computer case.<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
Haaaaayyyyyeeee!<\/p>\n
The Samurai slams his forehead into the computer, stands back up, clicks the mouse and gestures Barry forward to see.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Hey, it\u2019s unstuck. Thanks.<\/p>\n
Barry sits down and starts typing<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Oh man,\u00a0 one of those web pages with endless pop-ups. Man I hate these.<\/p>\n
The Samurai pushes Barry\u2019s chair away and squares off in a martial arts stance.<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! Haaaaaiiiiiiyyaaaaaaaa!!!<\/p>\n
Like Bruce Lee speed-punching a bad guy, the Samurai hits the keyboard with blinding speed, closing a pop-up each time. The battle won, he stands back and bows to the monitor.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Wow. Lot of lonely nights web-surfing huh?<\/p>\n
The Samurai awkwardly nods yes.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
You do great work.<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
(pulling a CD out of his robes)<\/p>\n
Doooorgguh ggaaiii hei mo nu tai cho?<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
If the updates won\u2019t take too long, sure, go ahead.\u00a0 I can work on my laptop.<\/p>\n
The Samurai draws his long sword<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
Haaaaaiiiiii!!!<\/p>\n
The Samurai swings his sword out, just in front of the computer case, then extends it an inch using the tip to hit the CD tray button.\u00a0 The CD tray extends, and the Samurai puts way his sword then puts the CD he was holding in the tray.\u00a0 The Samurai pulls out two sticks of computer memory from his robe and shows them to Barry.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
I can definitely use more memory.<\/p>\n
The Samurai pulls his long sword again<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
Haaaaaiiiiii!!!<\/p>\n
The Samurai slices the side panel off the computer case, then inserts the memory sticks.\u00a0 Barry now holds his laptop and is trying to move it across the room, but it\u2019s still attached by a network cable.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
You guys should really need to go wireless.<\/p>\n
The Samurai again pulls his sword<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
Haaaaaiiiiii!!!<\/p>\n
The Samurai cuts the network cord, re-sheaths his sword, pulls a wireless card from his robes and inserts it into Barry\u2019s laptop.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Hey, great!<\/p>\n
DANIELLE, Barry\u2019s pretty executive assistant, knocks on the office door then walks in.<\/p>\n
DANIELLE<\/p>\n
Barry, here are those fiscal reports from North American sales for the three-o\u2019clock.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Great thanks Danielle.<\/p>\n
Danielle sets them on the desk, turns and leaves with a little smile to the Samurai.\u00a0 Barry and the Samurai watch her go.<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
(suggestively)<\/p>\n
Guuunnhhhh te hu hua te sai mao, nnnnggg nngggg nnnggggg, gai mei?<\/p>\n
The Samurai pushes backwards on the handle of his sheathed long sword, so it rises up in front as he speaks.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Stop...right there.\u00a0 That is damn close to sexual harassment.<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
Neee oooiii te choooo me no?<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Yes she\u2019s attractive, but you don\u2019t say things like that in the workplace. As a corporate officer, I\u2019m afraid that I am legally required to report this Human Resources and have you reprimanded.<\/p>\n
The Samurai unsheaths his short sword, and starts exposing his chest with determined sadness.\u00a0 He takes the tip of the sword and places it against his stomach, closes his eyes and braces himself.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Okay, wait wait...you\u2019ve been really helpful so I\u2019ll let it slide this time.<\/p>\n
The Samurai sighs in relief and resheaths the short sword.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Look, you really know your stuff. You\u2019re quick, efficient, very personable. I always thought that \u201cAsian guys being good with technology\u201d was kid of a cheap stereotype, but you really know your stuff. I think you\u2019re a great asset to our IT group and this company. Thanks for your help.<\/p>\n
Barry shakes the Samurai\u2019s hand, and the Samurai goes to leave pushing the IT cart out.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Just one more thing. Where\u2019s conference room C?<\/p>\n
The Samurai thinks about it for a moment, then draws his long sword again.<\/p>\n
SAMURAI<\/p>\n
Haaaaaiiiiii!!!<\/p>\n
The Samurai makes three long cuts in the stage-left wall of Barry\u2019s office, then kicks the wall.\u00a0 A door-sized rectangle of drywall falls away and through the impromptu doorway is a room full of men in business suits sitting around a conference table.<\/p>\n
BARRY<\/p>\n
Oh hey, great.\u00a0 Hey guys.<\/p>\n
Barry walks through the new door, the Samurai pushes his cart out the office door, singing and indecipherable song.<\/p>\n
FADE TO BLACK.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was a little skeptical about this weeks challenge at first – writing sketches for what (in some cases) are iconic characters created by comic geniuses felt intimidating and limiting.\u00a0 But for me, it ended up being a way of bringing some of my favorite characters into the modern world, and seeing what they’d think […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[171,174,180,186],"class_list":["post-762","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-samurai","tag-saturday-night-live","tag-sketch","tag-snl-characters"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=762"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=762"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=762"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=762"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}