{"id":62,"date":"2008-05-16T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2008-05-16T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=62"},"modified":"2008-05-16T07:00:00","modified_gmt":"2008-05-16T15:00:00","slug":"fsw-in-the-coop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/?p=62","title":{"rendered":"FSW: In the Coop"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the Coop<\/span>
(Two women wearing partial chicken costumes sit next to each other on nests on a raised platform. A conveyor belt runs beneath the platform, on which eggs occasionally pass.)<\/p>\n

MILDRED
Did you hear? Esther’s boy came by her coop for Sunday dinner.<\/p>\n

RUTH
My Irving didn’t even call on my birthday and you should tell me this?<\/p>\n

MILDRED
I was making conversation. You’re not the only one whose children don’t come by, you know. I haven’t seen my Rachel since she moved.<\/p>\n

RUTH
Chicks these days. In my day, family was the number one thing. You respected your mother, you respected your father. Now, they’re running off to coops as soon as they’re old enough to peck their own seed.<\/p>\n

MILDRED
No respect for tradition.<\/p>\n

RUTH
We lay them, sit on them while they incubate–<\/p>\n

MILDRED
–I had the worst case of hemorrhoids when I was incubating my Susie–<\/p>\n

RUTH
–and teach them how to live. And how do they repay us? Do they call? Do they write?<\/p>\n

MILDRED
I can’t read that chicken scratch.<\/p>\n

RUTH
That’s not the point. Is it asking too much a mother should she her grandchicks? Maybe spoil them a little?<\/p>\n

MILDRED
Grandchicks?<\/p>\n

RUTH
I…I’m ashamed to say it.<\/p>\n

MILDRED
Ruthie, you know me. You’re like a sister to me. You can tell me anything.<\/p>\n

RUTH
And you’ll tell it to all the other hens.<\/p>\n

MILDRED
I promise I won’t. Trust me.<\/p>\n

RUTH
(Ashamed) Sarah’s taken up with one of those farkakt Rhode Island Reds. She’s been laying for him like crazy.<\/p>\n

MILDRED
I’m so sorry, Ruth. All we can do is raise them the best we can. Eventually they have to make their own choices.<\/p>\n

RUTH
But a Red?!? I’m no racist–<\/p>\n

MILDRED
–I know that, dear.<\/p>\n

RUTH
But couldn’t she find a nice Jewish Rooster?<\/p>\n

MILDRED
Maybe he is Jewish. Like Sammy Davis, Jr.<\/p>\n

RUTH
My mother would have fricasseed me if I’d ever taken up with a Red.<\/p>\n

MILDRED
These are different times, Ruth.<\/p>\n

RUTH
I know. They have no respect for the old ways. No respect for their parents. Now, they just run off with the first cock that smiles at them.<\/p>\n

MILDRED
Does she love him?<\/p>\n

RUTH
Love?! I didn’t love Moishe when I married him.<\/p>\n

MILDRED
Neither did I, but we grew to.<\/p>\n

RUTH
That’s because Moishe was special.<\/p>\n

MILDRED
Remember the way he could make the sun come up, just by crowing?<\/p>\n

(Ruth and Mildred sigh contentedly and moon for a few seconds, thinking of Moishe.)<\/p>\n

RUTH
Oooh! One’s coming!<\/p>\n

(An egg drops onto the conveyor belt below Ruth and is carried off.)<\/p>\n

MILDRED
That was easy. They’re never that easy for me.<\/p>\n

RUTH
You don’t relax enough. You just need to breathe.<\/p>\n

MILDRED
Oh! I felt that. I think it’s almost time!<\/p>\n

(Ruth reaches over with her wing\/hand and takes Mildred’s wing\/hand.)<\/p>\n

RUTH
Just remember your breathing, dear.<\/p>\n

(Ruth demonstrates Lamaze-style breathing to Mildred who starts doing the same. She makes a face, and an egg drops onto the conveyor belt. Ruth looks down at it and shakes her head.)<\/p>\n

A *brown* egg? You too?<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the Coop(Two women wearing partial chicken costumes sit next to each other on nests on a raised platform. A conveyor belt runs beneath the platform, on which eggs occasionally pass.) MILDREDDid you hear? Esther’s boy came by her coop for Sunday dinner. RUTHMy Irving didn’t even call on my birthday and you should tell […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[99,182],"class_list":["post-62","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-humor","tag-sketch-war"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=62"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=62"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=62"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=62"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}