{"id":55,"date":"2008-05-02T11:11:00","date_gmt":"2008-05-02T19:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=55"},"modified":"2008-05-02T11:11:00","modified_gmt":"2008-05-02T19:11:00","slug":"fsw-meta-bistro-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/?p=55","title":{"rendered":"FSW: Meta-Bistro Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m gonna second what Richard said about <\/em>his post<\/em><\/a> this week. <\/em>
<\/em>
Not quite firing on all cylinders. I’m really looking forward to the weekend. And not doing a damn thing if I can help it.<\/em>
<\/em>
No word from Dave yet, but he could be busy putting razor-wire around his apartment<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

(A small table in a stylish bistro. A man and woman are chatting about a book at one table. At another, Craig sits looking at the menu. A waiter approaches.)<\/p>\n

WAITER: Could I get you something to drink while you\u2019re looking over the menu?<\/p>\n

CRAIG: I\u2019ll just have a bottle of Evian.<\/p>\n

WAITER: I\u2019m sorry sir, but bottled water has been banned in the city.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Really?<\/p>\n

WAITER: I\u2019m afraid so. We just have tap water.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Oh, then, Aquafina I guess.<\/p>\n

WAITER: That\u2019s bottled water, sir.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Really? I read something on Slate.com about it being just tap water.<\/p>\n

WAITER: It may be, but they still put it in a bottle and ship it out.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Where does your water come from?<\/p>\n

WAITER: The lake, I suppose.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: No aquifer or mountain stream?<\/p>\n

WAITER: There are no mountains in Chicago.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Wow. This is tough. I really had a taste of water when I came in here.<\/p>\n

WAITER: I can bring you a glass of water, if that\u2019s what you want.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Why didn\u2019t you just say so? I\u2019ll have an Evian.<\/p>\n

WAITER: But. It will be a glass that I hold under the tap in the kitchen sink. Because there is no bottled water.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Ew. Sink water? I thought this was a Zagat\u2019s rated restaurant.<\/p>\n

WAITER: The food is very good sir.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: But the water\u2019s from the toilet.<\/p>\n

(Craig takes a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and pulls one out. He takes out a lighter.)<\/p>\n

WAITER: Excuse me, sir.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: What now?<\/p>\n

WAITER: There\u2019s no smoking in the restaurant.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: (Sighing heavily) You didn\u2019t ask me if I wanted smoking or non-smoking. I would have told you I wanted smoking.<\/p>\n

WAITER: No smoking in the entire restaurant.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Fine. I\u2019ll sit at the bar then.<\/p>\n

WAITER: The entire<\/em> restaurant. Including the bar.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: You know I should just take my money and find another restaurant.<\/p>\n

WAITER: But?<\/p>\n

CRAIG: But nothing. Just bring me your foie gras appetizer. Unless you banned geese as well.<\/p>\n

WAITER: Geese no. Foie gras yes.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Oh, come on!<\/p>\n

(The lights come up on another table, at which Richard and Dave are sitting, drinking cocktails.)<\/p>\n

RICHARD: The third one should have been funny.<\/p>\n

DAVE: Foie gras is pretty funny, when you think about it.<\/p>\n

RICHARD: It should have been something outlandish, though. Something extreme.<\/p>\n

DAVE: Force feeding geese to make their livers swell isn\u2019t outlandish or extreme?<\/p>\n

RICHARD: Oh, shut up.<\/p>\n

DAVE: I\u2019m just saying.<\/p>\n

(The lights go down on their table and come back up on Craig and the Waiter.)<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Who are they?<\/p>\n

WAITER: I don\u2019t know, but they\u2019ve been in here all morning commenting on everything anyone says.<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Weird.<\/p>\n

WAITER: I know. So, have you decided?<\/p>\n

CRAIG: I\u2019ll just have the grasshopper gonad soup. And a glass of your iced Deported Immigrant Tears.<\/p>\n

WAITER: Venti or Grande?<\/p>\n

CRAIG: Grande, of course.<\/p>\n

(The waiter and Craig freeze mid laugh. The lights come up on David and Richard\u2019s table. The look at one another and roll their eyes.)<\/p>\n

DAVID: (Calling towards the bar, holding up his glass.) Yeah, I\u2019m gonna need another one of these.<\/p>\n

RICHARD: (Holding up his glass) Make that two.<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m gonna second what Richard said about his post this week. Not quite firing on all cylinders. I’m really looking forward to the weekend. And not doing a damn thing if I can help it.No word from Dave yet, but he could be busy putting razor-wire around his apartment. (A small table in a stylish […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[70,80,182],"class_list":["post-55","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-foodies","tag-funny-ha-ha","tag-sketch-war"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=55"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=55"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=55"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=55"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}