{"id":5,"date":"2008-02-08T21:16:00","date_gmt":"2008-02-09T05:16:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=5"},"modified":"2008-02-08T21:16:00","modified_gmt":"2008-02-09T05:16:00","slug":"friday-night-sketch-war","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/?p=5","title":{"rendered":"Friday Night Sketch War"},"content":{"rendered":"

Fellow Sitcom Room alum and all around great guy Michael Brownlee posted a hilarious short sketch<\/a> tonight. He’s challenging himself to be more disciplined about writing, and figured writing an occasional short sketch will keep his comedy muscles limber. I agree. As I’ve been extremely lax writing lately, I thought I’d take the opportunity to make it a more communal (and competitive) process. I probably think that because it’s Friday night, and I’m reminded of all the great comics bloggers getting into the fun with Bahlactus’ Friday Night Fights<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Now, my sketch below is nowhere near as good as Michael’s this time<\/span>. He didn’t post until late afternoon and I spent several hours just trying to come up with something. I think it’s okay. Next time, however, I plan on having a kick-ass sketch. I’ll let y’all know if it’s going to be weekly, monthly, or sporadically. If the latter, I think there’s a fungicide that’ll clear it up.<\/p>\n

So, without further doobie-doobie-doo, here’s my first entry into
Friday Night Sketch War!<\/span> (the name’s in flux. We think it needs the word “death” in it more.)<\/span><\/p>\n\n


Mitt Romney’s Weekend<\/span><\/p>\n

(Two workers bring a large crate into a dark, cramped lab and stand it up. They exit and Al Gore steps out of the shadows with a crowbar. One quick pry and the front of the crate opens, exposing a frozen Mitt Romney. Al steps close and reaches around to Mitt’s back; Romney comes to life.)<\/p>\n

MITT
10010101 00010100 10100101 10–<\/p>\n

AL
–damn it. They left him on hex. Hang on a second, Mitt.<\/p>\n

(Al makes another quick adjustment at Mitt’s back.)<\/p>\n

MITT
Greetings. How may I be of assistance?<\/p>\n

AL
Actually Mitt, I’m going to assist you.<\/p>\n

(Al unbuttons the front of Mitt’s shirt, and pops opens a panel on his chest. Taking a screwdriver and chip from one of the lab benches, Al attaches the chip to the center of the circuit board.)<\/p>\n

MITT
That…tickles! Woohoo! What’s that feeling?! Wait, what is<\/u> feeling?<\/p>\n

AL
I’ve installed your Central Emoting Unit.<\/p>\n

(Mitt starts to cry.)<\/p>\n

AL
I know this is all very new to you. But you won’t be going through it alone, I promise.<\/p>\n

(Mitt starts to giggle.)<\/p>\n

AL (CONT’D)
I wish I’d had someone around to help me sort out all the new data I was receiving. One minute I was running fourier transforms to find some way of winning a protracted legal battle over the Florida recount and the next I was hosting Saturday Night Live.<\/p>\n

(Mitt starts to dance.)<\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n\n
MITT<\/td>\nAL<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
Here is my handle, here is my spout.
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout.
Just tip me over and pour me out.<\/td>\n		That’s great, Mitt.
Glad you’re getting in touch with yourself.
But we’ve got to boogie before the Professor gets back.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n

MITT
Who’s that?<\/p>\n

AL
The Professor? You don’t remember? What do you remember?<\/p>\n

MITT
I’m going to be President!!!<\/p>\n

AL
Oh boy. Do you know what day it is?<\/p>\n

MITT
Christmas Eve.<\/p>\n

AL
Damn it! Damn! Your memory units must have been fried when those TSA idiots ran you through the x-ray. Mitt, it’s February 8. You’re out of the race.<\/p>\n

MITT
For reals, homes?<\/p>\n

AL
Don’t do that. It’s just a CEU. I didn’t install a hiphop chip.<\/p>\n

MITT
So Thompson finally got in the game. I should have seen it coming. It’s so clear now. He’s down-homey. I couldn’t compete with that.<\/p>\n

AL
Uh, actually…never mind. Anyway, we need to get out of here. He’ll be back soon.<\/p>\n

MITT
Right. The Professor. Who is he?<\/p>\n

AL
I don’t really know. All I do know is he built both of us to become President. I can’t help but think if he’d just remembered to put in our emotion chips we could have won, too. Let’s go. Tipper’s waiting in the boat.<\/p>\n

MITT
A boat?<\/p>\n

AL
We’re on an island. And we don’t want to be caught outside at night, when the mist rolls in.<\/p>\n

(The Professor enters. He’s a very wizened man with a shock of white hair.)<\/p>\n

AL (CONT’D)
It’s too late! Run!<\/p>\n

(The Professor takes a small device from his pocket and presses a button on it. Al and Mitt freeze.)<\/p>\n

PROFESSOR
Welcome back, Al. It’s been quite a while. Mitt, glad to see you.<\/p>\n

AL
This was your plan all along, wasn’t it. You knew I’d come to free Mitt!<\/p>\n

PROFESSOR
I suspected.<\/p>\n

AL
You won’t get away with it. I’ve got friends now. Clooney will save us.<\/p>\n

PROFESSOR
No. No he won’t. As we speak my Nick CounterBot is finalizing a deal with the WGA. Your Hollywood friends will soon have too much work to do to notice you’re gone. By the time they realize it, it’ll be too late.<\/p>\n

MITT
Too late for what?<\/p>\n

PROFESSOR
My ObamaBot will<\/u> be President.<\/p>\n

MITT
I don’t understand. Why would you put two of us in the same campaign?<\/p>\n

PROFESSOR
It’s all the fault of my stupid assistant. He forgot to put in your CEU. Did the same thing with Gore, here. So I kept him busy scaring those crash survivors on the other side of the island while I built the ObamaBot. He’s perfect. And now, I have no use for the two of you except as spare parts. <\/p>\n

Think I’ll build myself a Scarlett JoBot.<\/p>\n

(Mitt starts to cry.)<\/p>\n

MITT
Sorry Al. It’s all my fault. You never should have come back for me.<\/p>\n

AL
It’s alright, Mitt. We’ll get out of this. I promise you.<\/p>\n

PROFESSOR
Where’s that incompetent assistant? Gilligan!!!<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Fellow Sitcom Room alum and all around great guy Michael Brownlee posted a hilarious short sketch tonight. He’s challenging himself to be more disciplined about writing, and figured writing an occasional short sketch will keep his comedy muscles limber. I agree. As I’ve been extremely lax writing lately, I thought I’d take the opportunity to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[99,182,236],"class_list":["post-5","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-humor","tag-sketch-war","tag-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}