{"id":40,"date":"2008-04-04T12:51:00","date_gmt":"2008-04-04T20:51:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=40"},"modified":"2008-04-04T12:51:00","modified_gmt":"2008-04-04T20:51:00","slug":"friday-sketch-war-fantasy-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/?p=40","title":{"rendered":"Friday Sketch War: Fantasy Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

Haven’t heard anything from Dave<\/a> yet<\/strike><\/em>. But Richard’s already posted<\/a>, even though he’s not feeling well. And it seems as though Red isn’t joining us this week either.<\/p>\n

Update: Dave has posted and it is super fly! Check it<\/a>.<\/span>
<\/em>
Here’s my entry, for what it’s worth. Probably reveals a bit too much about my current work situation. But then, that’s why I’m sending out resumes. Right?<\/em>
<\/em>
The Break Room
<\/em>
(Office break room. Marge and Peggy, two middle-aged, over weight secretaries are eating donuts and talking.)<\/p>\n

MARGE: So I says to him, \u201cCarl\u201d I says \u201cI know for a fact that Jim\u2019s not keeping up with his work\u201d.<\/p>\n

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) He\u2019s such a slacker.<\/p>\n

MARGE: Right. We all know it. But Carl doesn\u2019t see it. He goes \u201cAnd what makes you think this?\u201d And I almost laugh in his face. As if I have to make up stories about Jim.<\/p>\n

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) Not likely.<\/p>\n

MARGE: Right. So I says, \u201cCarl, I was looking at his email inbox and there\u2019s a whole list of file requests he hasn\u2019t completed yet.\u201d And Carl has the gall to get upset at me. \u201cYou can\u2019t do that,\u201d he says. \u201cIt\u2019s an invasion of his privacy\u201d, he says. Like that\u2019s going to mean anything when we\u2019re all out of jobs because Jim\u2019s poor work ethic causes this whole company to fold.<\/p>\n

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) Seriously.<\/p>\n

MARGE: But Carl says he\u2019ll look into it. He says he\u2019ll say something to Jim.<\/p>\n

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) Good for you.<\/p>\n

MARGE: I\u2019m just looking out for the company. I mean, Carl thinks he\u2019s such a fantastic Office Manager, but we all know that I should have been the one to get that job. The only reason they hired him was because we needed more men in the office to fill a quota of some sort.<\/p>\n

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) Damn ACLU.<\/p>\n

MARGE: Exactly. The hippies ruined it for everyone. But I\u2019ve already sent several emails to the CEO about Carl and his lack of caring about this company. I plan on getting him\u2026<\/p>\n

(Carl enters the break room and goes to the fridge)<\/p>\n

MARGE: Oh hey Carl! How\u2019s your day going?<\/p>\n

CARL: All right. Thank God it\u2019s Friday, you know.<\/p>\n

MARGE: Amen to that. So, how\u2019d it go with Jim? Is he going to straighten up and fly right?<\/p>\n

CARL: Marge, I already told you once, this really isn\u2019t any of your business. Jim\u2019s only been back a week since his wife died. He\u2019s taking things slow.<\/p>\n

MARGE: Glacial, if you ask me.<\/p>\n

CARL: I didn\u2019t, Marge. No one did. And I hope you\u2019ll stop sending me emails about him.<\/p>\n

MARGE: He\u2019s costing this company millions of dollars.<\/p>\n

(Carl sighs and shakes his head. He exits.)<\/p>\n

MARGE: Have a blessed day!<\/p>\n

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut): Yeah.<\/p>\n

MARGE: Not.<\/p>\n

(Marge and Peggy share a laugh. Peggy nearly chokes on her donut.)<\/p>\n

MARGE: As you can see, the man clearly has no regard for this company.<\/p>\n

(Marge takes out a notepad and begins writing on it.)<\/p>\n

MARGE: This is going in his file.<\/p>\n

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) His file?<\/p>\n

MARGE: I keep a file on everyone in the office. That way, if they ever do anything really wrong, or something that I don\u2019t think befits an employee of this company, I can take it to the CEO and have them fired. Carl\u2019s file is almost as big as Jim\u2019s.<\/p>\n

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) Do I have a file?<\/p>\n

MARGE: Only because you\u2019re my best friend here do I tell you this. Yes. You do. It\u2019s the smoke breaks. You take a ten minute break every hour. That adds up.<\/p>\n

(Peggy just stares at her. Jim enters the break room.)<\/p>\n

MARGE: Hey, Jim. How are you doing? Again, we\u2019re so sorry about your loss.<\/p>\n

JIM: Thanks.<\/p>\n

MARGE: But don\u2019t you think using your wife\u2019s death as an excuse to slack off at work only degrades her memory?<\/p>\n

JIM: Excuse me?<\/p>\n

MARGE: I couldn\u2019t help but notice, as I read your emails, that you\u2019re really far behind on\u2026<\/p>\n

(Jim punches Marge in the face, toppling her over in her chair. He gets a soda out of the fridge and exits.)<\/p>\n

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) And have a blessed day.<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Haven’t heard anything from Dave yet. But Richard’s already posted, even though he’s not feeling well. And it seems as though Red isn’t joining us this week either. Update: Dave has posted and it is super fly! Check it.Here’s my entry, for what it’s worth. Probably reveals a bit too much about my current work […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[62,80,182],"class_list":["post-40","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-dream-job","tag-funny-ha-ha","tag-sketch-war"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=40"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=40"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=40"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=40"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}