{"id":26,"date":"2008-03-07T07:52:00","date_gmt":"2008-03-07T15:52:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=26"},"modified":"2008-03-07T07:52:00","modified_gmt":"2008-03-07T15:52:00","slug":"friday-sketch-war-new-job-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/?p=26","title":{"rendered":"Friday Sketch War: New Job Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

What time is it, kids? That’s right! It’s Sketch War time! <\/em>
<\/em>
You say you want to get in on the action? Great! Just write a sketch and post a link. It’s just that easy.<\/em><\/p>\n

I thought I’d be the first one out of the gate this morning, but <\/em>Richard’s<\/em><\/a> the early bird today. Bastard.<\/em><\/p>\n

Update: <\/em><\/span>Dave’s chimed in with this <\/em>horrifying look at the future<\/em><\/a>.<\/em> <\/span>
<\/em>
The New Job
<\/em>
(A conference room. Martin sits at a table. He is clean-cut, wearing a nice suit and tie. James, also in suit and tie is manning a slide projector, which Martin has been watching. James turns it off.)<\/p>\n

JAMES: I think that\u2019s everything.<\/p>\n

(Martin sits dumbfounded. James begins packing up the equipment.)<\/p>\n

JAMES: Sir? Are you all right?<\/p>\n

MARTIN: Is this some kind of joke?<\/p>\n

JAMES: I\u2019m afraid not.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: Everything you just told me is true?<\/p>\n

JAMES: All of it.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: I don\u2019t know what to say.<\/p>\n

JAMES: It takes a little while to let it all sink in.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: We have to tell people about all this.<\/p>\n

JAMES: I\u2019m afraid we can\u2019t.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: I don\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n

JAMES: Can you image the sense of outrage? Of panic? People would never believe us again if they found out the truth behind any one of these stories, let alone all of them. No, you\u2019ve been briefed because you have to maintain the stories as they have been reported.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: But it\u2019s all been lies.<\/p>\n

JAMES: It\u2019s for their own good.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: I believed those lies once too.<\/p>\n

JAMES: Yes, sir, at the time you were not allowed to know the real stories.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: I don\u2019t think I can do this.<\/p>\n

JAMES: There’s no turning back now, sir.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: But I can\u2019t go out there and face them, day after day, knowing all this and lying to them.<\/p>\n

JAMES: It has to be this way to make things run smoothly.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: The people will believe me. They trust me.<\/p>\n

JAMES: That’s the general idea.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: Who else knows about this?<\/p>\n

JAMES: There are only twelve of us. Thirteen including yourself now.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: The people deserve to know this information.<\/p>\n

JAMES: I understand your indignation. Everyone who views this information for the first time feels the same way. But I assure you, that this has all be kept secret out of absolute necessity and will remain that way.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: Some people are already spreading this information.<\/p>\n

JAMES: They\u2019re lucky guessers. Theorists. And they\u2019ve all been discredited as crackpots and tinfoil hat wearing lunatics.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: I just can\u2019t wrap my mind around it. All the lives that have been lost.<\/p>\n

JAMES: Patriots, all.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: It all seems so senseless.<\/p>\n

JAMES: Not when you\u2019re thinking about the greater good, sir. Which you have to do from here on out.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: Greater good?<\/p>\n

JAMES: Yes, sir. There is an agenda here that is bigger than all of us and we cannot let the thought of a few hundred thousand deaths stop us from the work that must be done.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: What happens if I decide to tell people about this?<\/p>\n

JAMES: You\u2019ll be replaced.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: But you just can\u2019t replace one of the most recognized people in the world without a few questions being raised.<\/p>\n

JAMES: We can and we have. More than likely you\u2019d be lost at sea. Tragic plane crash returning home from some diplomatic gathering.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: But then the next person who watched this would know what happened to me.<\/p>\n

JAMES: Yes, sir. And hopefully they would more fully understand the importance of these secrets and choose to keep them as such.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: So, basically, to put it bluntly, if I don\u2019t keep my mouth shut, you\u2019ll shut it for me?<\/p>\n

JAMES: Yes, sir.<\/p>\n

(Kelly, a well dressed woman, pokes her head in the door.)<\/p>\n

KELLY: (To Martin) They\u2019re ready for you, sir.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: I just need a moment.<\/p>\n

(Kelly and James exchange a look.)<\/p>\n

JAMES: (To Kelly) He\u2019s fine.<\/p>\n

(Kelly exits. James has put away all the gear and produces a suit bag which he lays on the table.)<\/p>\n

JAMES: Show time.<\/p>\n

(Martin just stares at the bag.)<\/p>\n

JAMES: What\u2019s it going to be?<\/p>\n

(Martin rises and crosses to the suit bag.)<\/p>\n

MARTIN: What choice do I have? I\u2019m in.<\/p>\n

JAMES: Glad to hear it, sir. I\u2019ll let you get changed. And let me be the first to welcome you to the family. \u201cRonald\u201d.<\/p>\n

MARTIN: Thanks. (Beat) I\u2019m loving it.<\/p>\n

JAMES: That\u2019s the spirit.<\/p>\n

(They shake hands and James leaves. Martin opens the suit bag and pulls out a bright red wig and a white and yellow clown suit. He begins applying white makeup to his face. As James opens the door we hear a crowd of children cheering.)<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What time is it, kids? That’s right! It’s Sketch War time! You say you want to get in on the action? Great! Just write a sketch and post a link. It’s just that easy. I thought I’d be the first one out of the gate this morning, but Richard’s the early bird today. Bastard. Update: […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[80,138,182],"class_list":["post-26","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-funny-ha-ha","tag-new-job","tag-sketch-war"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=26"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=26"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=26"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=26"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}