{"id":216,"date":"2009-02-12T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-12T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=216"},"modified":"2009-02-12T07:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-02-12T15:00:00","slug":"pimp-my-tv-michaels-entry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/?p=216","title":{"rendered":"Pimp My TV (Michael’s Entry)"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/p>\n

FADE IN:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

We see the familiar green title card that precedes all trailers: \u201cThe following preview has been approved\u2026\u201d As it fades to black slow, mournful, piano music plays as the following words appear on the screen:<\/p>\n

FROM THE DERANGED MIND OF WES CRAVEN, THE MAN WHO BROUGHT YOU A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET<\/i> AND SCREAM<\/i>, COMES A HORRIFYING NEW TALE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

SMASH CUT:<\/p>\n

INT. BAR – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Thunder and lightning. SAM MALONE stands behind the bar, drying glasses. CARLA TORTELLI, CLIFF CLAVIN, WOODY BOYD and DIANE CHAMBERS sit around the bar. Everyone is looking down, not making eye contact with anyone. DR. FRAISER CRANE is up, pacing around.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

DIANE<\/p>\n

I still think this is a matter best left for the proper authorities.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

SAM<\/p>\n

Fraiser, would you quit pacing, you\u2019re making me nervous.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

FRAISER<\/p>\n

I think better on my feet, Sam. Besides, I believe the answer is simple. Ockham\u2019s Razor.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

WOODY<\/p>\n

Three of our friends are dead, Dr. Crane. I really don\u2019t think this is the right time to talk about shaving habits.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

DIANE<\/p>\n

He\u2019s talking about a principle of logic, Woody, not a drug store purchase. It means that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

FRAISER<\/p>\n

Think of it like the plot of an Agatha Christie novel, if you like. We were all here when the killings happened, thus one of us must be the killer.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

WOODY<\/p>\n

Agatha Christie? Is she the one who played the Police Woman?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CLIFF<\/p>\n

You\u2019re thinkin\u2019 of Angie Dickenson.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

SAM<\/p>\n

Now just a second, Fraiser. Why would any one of us want to kill Paul or Alan or Pete?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CARLA<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know about you, Sammy, but I\u2019m not going to let Dr. Strange-goober accuse me of murdering anyone. If it was Diane, maybe, but these guys?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

WOODY<\/p>\n

But how do you explain the eerie voice that whispered each of their names just before they turned up dead?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

FRAISER<\/p>\n

You know, maybe the killer isn\u2019t here. There is one member of this band of merry men whose stool is empty tonight.<\/p>\n

The front door slams open! Lightning flashes. Everyone screams. Then –<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

EVERYONE<\/p>\n

NORM!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

DIANE<\/p>\n

Norman.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

WOODY<\/p>\n

Hey, Mr. Peterson, what were you doing between the hours of five and five-thirty this evening?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NORM<\/p>\n

The usual. Counting down the seconds to sweet, sweet relief. Four, three, two – <\/p>\n

Sam slides a mug of beer down the bar, which Norm catches and takes a long drink from.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NORM<\/p>\n

Much better.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CLIFF<\/p>\n

Eh, excuse me, Doc. But, eh, there\u2019s an even simpler explanation, if I may, eh, theorize.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CARLA<\/p>\n

Great, now Professor Van Dummkopf is going to play detective.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CLIFF<\/p>\n

Eh, hear me out there, Carla. It\u2019s a well known fact that before the arrival of the white man, this area was mainly home to the Pocumtuck and Nipmuck Indians. But what most people don\u2019t know is that these tribes were, eh, well known practitioners of the dark arts. Voodoo an\u2019 the like. And that this bar was built on one of their most sacred burial grounds.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

FRAISER<\/p>\n

Cliff, surely you\u2019re not suggesting\u2026<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CLIFF<\/p>\n

Surely I am, Doc.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

SAM<\/p>\n

What? What\u2019s he suggesting? <\/p>\n

Fraiser looks at everyone.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

FRAISER<\/p>\n

My God. It\u2019s the bar.<\/p>\n

More thunder and lightning. The lights flicker. Everyone gasps.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

EERIE WHISPERED VOICE<\/p>\n

I know your name.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT<\/p>\n

TITLE CARD: WES CRAVEN’S CHEERS – THE RECKONING COMING THIS FALL<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

SOMETIMES THE TROUBLES AREN\u2019T<\/u> ALL THE SAME<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

FADE IN: We see the familiar green title card that precedes all trailers: \u201cThe following preview has been approved\u2026\u201d As it fades to black slow, mournful, piano music plays as the following words appear on the screen: FROM THE DERANGED MIND OF WES CRAVEN, THE MAN WHO BROUGHT YOU A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET AND […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[43,148],"class_list":["post-216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-cheers","tag-pimp-my-tv"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/216","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=216"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/216\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=216"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=216"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=216"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}