{"id":212,"date":"2009-02-09T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-09T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=212"},"modified":"2009-02-09T08:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-02-09T16:00:00","slug":"fsw-pimp-my-tv-kens-entry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/?p=212","title":{"rendered":"FSW: Pimp my TV (Ken’s Entry)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Looks like I got the honor of being the first warrior on the field of battle this week…<\/span><\/p>\n

So this week we had a little change up, and got our sketch inspiration from the Pimp My TV contest going on at Filmaker Frenzy (<\/span>http:\/\/www.filmmakingfrenzy.com\/sites\/filmfrenzy_beta\/ViewFrenzy.aspx?FrenzyId=18<\/a>) . In the tradition of John Woo doing Mission: Impossible and JJ Abrams directing Star Trek, I decided to go with classic show reinterpreted by iconic director.<\/span><\/p>\n

Take it away Mr. Director:<\/span>
_________________________________________________<\/p>\n

\n

SLOW FADE IN:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

EXT. – PREP SCHOOL – DAY<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Snow flakes fall on the tops of an evergreen forest. As the camera descends in slow motion, we can see the red ceramic tiles of an estate-like building under a light blanket of snow, then we see big glass windows, beige stone, big wooden doors, concrete benches in the courtyard, and a brick walkway leading to the door.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n

This Christmas, one of America\u2019s most celebrated directors brings one of America\u2019s grittiest television shows to the big screen.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Music starts, and the first words of \u201cGirl, You\u2019ll be a Woman Soon\u201d by Urge Overkill are sung<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

SINGER (V.O.)<\/p>\n

Girl….you\u2019ll be a woman, soon…<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The music continues as the camera settles close to the ground in the middle of the brick sidewalk. Four girls – one blond, one brunette, one African American, and one heavier girl – all in prep-school uniforms (red plaid skirts, knee socks, navy-blue sweaters, carrying books) walk past the camera still in slow motion.
The camera shifts around so we can see the school girls in profile. It goes down the line showing each girl\u2019s face, pausing long enough for their name to be captioned with a name:<\/p>\n

Blonde girl\u2019s caption: BLAIR
Brunette girl\u2019s caption: JO
Heavy-set girl\u2019s caption: NATALIE
African-American girl\u2019s caption: TOOTIE<\/p>\n

They stop in equal stances framing the big front door, which opens to reveal matronly woman in her late 50\u2019s with bright orange hair (MRS. GARRETT).<\/p>\n

Caption comes up on screen: EDNA GARRETT<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT<\/p>\n

You lazy bitches better get in this motherfuckin\u2019 cafeteria or I will get medieval on your asses, I shit you not!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Titles come up on screen:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

QUENTIN TARANTINO\u2019S
FACTS OF LIFE<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. CAFETERIA – DAY<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT locks the doors behind the girls.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT<\/p>\n

Listen up. Drummond\u2019s fast tracked this job – it\u2019s big. Gear up.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

JO, BLAIR, TOOTIE and NATALIE go pull folding cafeteria tables out from the walls. Behind them are racks of guns, knives, swords, etc. The girls start pulling them out and strapping them on.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT<\/p>\n

We pull this off, and Drummond keeps Edna\u2019s Edibles in flour, sugar, coke for a long time. Code names…Blair you\u2019re Ms. Blond. Jo, you\u2019re Ms. Brunette. Tootie you\u2019re Ms. Black. Natalie, you\u2019re Ms. Michelin.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE is visibly pissed. The girls, armed and wearing black suits, black ties, white shirts and Ray Bans come to the middle of the room.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT<\/p>\n

Drummond wants this clean, capice?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

BLAIR<\/p>\n

We need to make this quick. I got a date tonight.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

JO<\/p>\n

Me too.<\/p>\n

TOOTIE<\/p>\n

Me too.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Everyone looks at NATALIE who keeps quiet.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT<\/p>\n

Natalie, you\u2019ve got clean up.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

They all exit, with NATALIE hesitating before following<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. EDNA\u2019S EDIBLES – NIGHT<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT snorts lines of coke off the glass pastry case she stands behind in small bakery cafe cash. JO, TOOTIE and BLAIR tidy up around the shop<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t believe Natalie missed her shift. She never misses a chance to be around food. Something\u2019s fucked up.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The big storefront glass window with the words \u201cEdna\u2019s Edibles\u201d explodes inward. NATALIE bursts through and unloads a pump-action shotgun blast into the pastry case. Three girls in prep-school uniforms and zipper-mouthed leather bondage masks stand behind her brandishing identical shotguns.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE<\/p>\n

The motherfuckin\u2019 cookbook…NOW!!!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT tosses her a big book with a glare.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE<\/p>\n

Edna\u2019s Edibles is permanently closed…people in this neighborhood will eat at \u201cNatalie\u2019s Noshes\u201d.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE and the masked girls back out of the cafe with the book, and toss in several molotov cocktails. MRS. GARRETT speaks as the flames get higher around her.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT<\/p>\n

(yelling)<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t run bitch! My righteous fury shall be tempered in your flames, and my vengeance shall rain down upon thee like all the plagues of Egypt. Behold, for I shall come upon thee like a thief in the night, and that is a fact!!!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MARK, a teenage prep-school boy, sits tied to a metal chair under a single hanging bulb. His face is bruised and bloody. BLAIR, TOOTIE and JO stand around him.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

TOOTIE<\/p>\n

He ain\u2019t gonna squeal where Natalie\u2019s at.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

JO<\/p>\n

Bring in the gimp.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

BLAIR snaps her fingers. A door opens showing a sliver of light and a tall shambling figure walks in. Sweat pours down MARK\u2019s terrified face as he hears the scarping footsteps in the dark. He\u2019s almost ready to scream when the mystery figure, GERI, steps into the light and starts speaking<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

GERI<\/p>\n

Hi I\u2019m Geri. I\u2019m Blair\u2019s cousin, and I have cerebral palsy, but that won\u2019t stop me from entertaining you with 30 minutes of people-positive comedy!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MARK<\/p>\n

(screaming)<\/p>\n

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. PENTHOUSE APARTMENT – DAY<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE and her masked girls kick in the white double doors and enter. NATALIE wears a samurai sword strapped to her back<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE<\/p>\n

Fan out…Drummond\u2019s here some place.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

A short African American boy, ARNOLD, flies in and takes out the three masked girls with some fast acrobatic kung fu. He lands in front of the stair case. He also has a samurai sword strapped to his back.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

ARNOLD<\/p>\n

Mr. Drummond\u2019s out.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE pulls a .45 from her waistband and aims it at ARNOLD.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE<\/p>\n

Says who?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

ARNOLD whips out a throwing star that rips the .45 Out of NATALIE\u2019s grasp.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

ARNOLD<\/p>\n

Says me.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE draws her samurai sword and goes into a dueling stance.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll go upstairs and wait.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

ARNOLD pulls his sword and goes into his dueling stance.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

ARNOLD<\/p>\n

What you talkin\u2019 \u2018bout, bitch?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. MUSCLE CAR – NIGHT<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

JO drives, BLAIR rides shotgun, TOOTIE sits in the middle of the back seat. All wear Ray Bans that reflect street lights as they drive the black 1967 Dodge Charger. They stare straight ahead intensely as the engine roars, and don\u2019t speak for a long time.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

JO<\/p>\n

You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

BLAIR<\/p>\n

Natalie would know.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

TOOTIE<\/p>\n

Natalie knows food.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. CRUMBLING WAREHOUSE – NIGHT<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

NATALIE has her sword drawn as do JO, TOOTIE and BLAIR. The three circle her. NATALIE is dirty, sweaty, and her school uniform torn. A spotlight pops on illuminating MRS. GARRET on the catwalk above the factory floor. Half of her face is scarred from horrific burns, making her twisted smile more horrifying.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

MRS. GARRETT<\/p>\n

Poor Natalie….the world never seems to be living up to your dreams. Girls, teach her a little life lesson for me.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n

You take the good…<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Close up on NATALIE<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n

You take the bad…<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Close up on MRS. GARRETT<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n

You take \u2018em both and there you have…<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

High shot of the girls circling NATALIE
JO, BLAIR and TOOTIE lunge at NATALIE with swords above their heads poised to slash. The screen goes completely black and titles slowly fade up:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

QUENTIN TARANTINO\u2019S
FACTS OF LIFE<\/p>\n

Coming Soon<\/p>\n

This film is not yet rated<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

FADE TO BLACK.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Looks like I got the honor of being the first warrior on the field of battle this week… So this week we had a little change up, and got our sketch inspiration from the Pimp My TV contest going on at Filmaker Frenzy (http:\/\/www.filmmakingfrenzy.com\/sites\/filmfrenzy_beta\/ViewFrenzy.aspx?FrenzyId=18) . In the tradition of John Woo doing Mission: Impossible and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[65,76,116,148,156],"class_list":["post-212","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-facts-of-life","tag-fsw","tag-ken","tag-pimp-my-tv","tag-quentin-tarantino"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/212","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=212"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/212\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=212"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=212"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=212"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}