Happy New Year everyone! I unexpectedly took last week off (meaning I realized Saturday night that the day before was Sketch War Friday….ummmm…ooopps).<\/p>\n
This weeks theme was cartoons, and despite a promising start to a SuperFriends sketch (remember that red spikey thing in front of the Hall of Justice??), I ended up revisiting one of my favorite cartoons, and putting a little spin on the first girl cartoon character I had a crush on.<\/p>\n
The other battlers will report in soon!!!
__________________________________________________________<\/p>\n
INT. HAUNTED MANSION – NIGHT<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE, VELMA, SCOOBY, SHAGGY and FRED stand in the foyer of a dilapidated dark mansion, complete with grand decaying staircase, grandfather clock, cobwebs – all the haunted trimmings.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
Alright, let\u2019s split up and see if we can find this bearded ghost. Daphne and I will go this way, Velma you go that way with Scooby and Shaggy.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
Actually Fred, Daphne and I are going together this time. You go with Scooby and Shaggy.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED pauses and looks at VELMA.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
Very funny Velma. Daphne come on, we\u2019re going this way.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
No Fred….not this time. Not ever again. I want to go with Velma.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED looks at SHAGGY and SCOOBY, who just shrug their shoulders.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
Daphne, you and I always go together, always!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
Fred, I\u2019ve been in denial about some things for a long time, and I\u2019m just starting to come to grips with them.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
Stop kidding around. You and I always go together when we split up, because we\u2019re the two attractive ones of the group.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
That\u2019s just it Fred. I\u2019ve gone with you all those times because I felt like I SHOULD be attracted to you, but…it never felt right.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
It\u2019s okay Daphne, tell him the rest.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
I think I developed some subconscious resentment towards you Fred…I wanted to be attracted to you, and when I wasn\u2019t it made me do stupid things.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
All those traps she accidentally sprung weren\u2019t an accident Fred. Her subconscious was trying to kill you.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
It was my way out…if you were gone I wouldn\u2019t have to pretend anymore.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
Danger-prone Daphne was really "Need-to-get-Fred-out-of-my-life" Daphne.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
But…all those times…when we\u2019d split up…and we\u2019d have sex when we were supposed to be hunting ghosts.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t make this harder than it is Fred.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
We\u2019d blame your moaning on ghosts.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
Fred, please…<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
I MADE YOU ORGASM!!! HARD!!! EVERY TIME!!!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
I faked it, every time! Just to save your big ego!!! I just pretended. I\u2019d close my eyes and imagine you were someone else….someone I WAS attracted to. I just did whatever I could to get through it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED sulks for a moment, taking it all in.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
Fine. But think about what you\u2019re giving up. Any woman would kill to have a guy with his own custom van.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
(sarcastically)<\/p>\n
The paint job alone should do it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
A guy with some athletic ability, and good fashion sense.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
You dress like a sailor in the Gay Navy.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
(to VELMA)<\/p>\n
This doesn\u2019t involve you.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
Yes, it does. Daphne, go ahead. Tell him the rest.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t…he\u2019s already so upset.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
We talked about this Daphne. It\u2019s like pulling off a band-aid. Do it all at once.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE gathers her courage, then faces FRED again.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
It took me a long time to admit it to myself, but the person I kept imagining when we were having sex is part of this group.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Everything stops, and FRED looks at SHAGGY and SCOOBY, suspiciously. Then FRED slowly turns his head to look at VELMA. DAPHNE walks over hooks her arm through VELMA\u2019s, and rests her head on VELMA\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
(to VELMA)<\/p>\n
You goddamn dyke.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
She listens to me, understands me…values my opinion.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
So it\u2019s just platonic.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
Oh GOD no!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA and DAPHNE laugh, loudly<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
Only a woman knows how to really please another woman. Velma has surprisingly well-toned arms under that sweater too.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
I need them for doing this….<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA dips DAPHNE and kisses her passionately. SCOOBY, FRED and SHAGGY just stare, slack jawed.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE<\/p>\n
(a bit flustered)<\/p>\n
Velma is soooo decisive…when she wants something she just goes for it. And trust me, her traps always work.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
DAPHNE giggles as she leans into Velma.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
Come on purple. Let\u2019s go down this way and find us some moaning ghosts.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA smacks DAPHNE loudly on the butt. DAPHNE giggles, then heads down the corridor.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
VELMA<\/p>\n
So, Fred, from now on, when we split up, Daphne goes with me, capice?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
(off to DAPHNE)<\/p>\n
Hey purple, that\u2019s a bedroom on the left – I bet there\u2019s a loud moaning ghost in there!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Giggles from down the hallway. VELMA looks back at FRED with a knowing grin, then exits after DAPHNE. FRED just stares after them.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SHAGGY<\/p>\n
So, uh, Fred. Maybe we should, like, go look for that Bearded ghost like you said.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
There is no bearded ghost. It\u2019s just old man Laskey in a costume scaring people off so he can run a real estate scam.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SHAGGY<\/p>\n
Zoiks! Like, how\u2019d you know that man?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
I pay this detective friend for fake ghost cases he\u2019s already solved whenever I want to get laid. We\u2019ve never gone on a real unsolved mystery.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SHAGGY<\/p>\n
Like….wow dude. All this time I thought we were actually, like, finding clues, solving mysteries and helping people and stuff.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SCOOBY<\/p>\n
Ree roo!!!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SHAGGY<\/p>\n
Now I\u2019m like all bummed and stuff.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SCOOBY<\/p>\n
Ree roo.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SHAGGY and SCOOBY walk start to slowly exit the same way as DAPHNE and VELMA<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
Where are you two going?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SHAGGY<\/p>\n
Like there\u2019s only one thing that can cheer me up right now – amateur girl-on-girl action. These old mansions have secret watching holes all over the place.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
Won\u2019t they see us?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SHAGGY<\/p>\n
You and Daphne never did.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FRED thinks for a moment<\/p>\n
FRED<\/p>\n
Alright, here\u2019s the plan. You two go ahead and find a hiding spot with a good clear view. I\u2019ll go get the video camera I keep in the Mystery Machine!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SHAGGY<\/p>\n
Now that\u2019s the Fred I\u2019d follow anywhere!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SCOOBY<\/p>\n
Rrrrrroooby dooooooooo!<\/p>\n
BLACK OUT<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Happy New Year everyone! I unexpectedly took last week off (meaning I realized Saturday night that the day before was Sketch War Friday….ummmm…ooopps). This weeks theme was cartoons, and despite a promising start to a SuperFriends sketch (remember that red spikey thing in front of the Hall of Justice??), I ended up revisiting one of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[40,76,176],"class_list":["post-184","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-cartoons","tag-fsw","tag-scooby-doo"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=184"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=184"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=184"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=184"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}