Here’s my take on the “Useless Skills” edition of Sketchwar. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:\u00a0 <\/p>\n
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY<\/p>\n
CODY (16) sits at a table in a nice suburban living room, working on math homework.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS (30s) enters, carrying a laptop computer.<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
Hey Uncle Thomas.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
Oh, hey Cody. If you see your mom, tell her I returned her laptop.<\/p>\n
He sets the laptop on an endtable, and starts to head back out.<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
Uncle Thomas, have you ever used trigonometry for anything ever?<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
Huh. No, not really. But I went into programming, so --<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
Gawd. This is totes useless.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
Well -- no. I mean, if you go on to higher math, or physics, or --<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
I am so not doing that, Uncle Thomas.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
I dunno. I liked math as a kid. Some people just think trig is cool in and of itself.<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
You liked trigonometry? Wha -- how -- I hate it. Everyone I know hates it.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
And it probably teaches you a little about how to think, or how to handle math in general --<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
No. And even if it did, why can’t I “learn how to think” while doing something that isn’t useless?<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
Plus, it’s not like it ever goes out of date --<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
Why the hell are you taking trigonometry’s side?!<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
Look.<\/p>\n
Uncle Thomas takes a seat.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
You want to know what real uselessness is? The GVX-5 Time Tracking System.<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
I don’t know what that is.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
Of course you don’t. It’s possibly the worst piece of time-tracking software ever made. Its interface is non-intuitive, it’s got a hundred bugs you have to work around, it has nothing in common with any other software on the planet --<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
Why are you talking about this?<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
Because my company put me on a project that uses that for its bureaucratic stuff, so I’ve spent the last week learning how it works. And! And, they’re phasing out the GVX-5 next month, so not only am I learning about a useless piece of software, but I’m learning about a useless piece of software I’m never going to use again.<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
Okay, that kind of sucks.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
And! And also, there’s, like, a 90% chance that the whole project will be scrapped.<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
Hmm. So this is what being old is like?<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
(nodding)<\/p>\n
All the time. You’re just mad because you expect school to be useful.<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
Hmm.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
Knowing how to use the GVX-5 system is the most useless thing in the world.<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
Well, no --<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
What?<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
I mean, you’re getting paid, right? Plus it’s just you that’s putting up with it -- not, y’know, everybody who’s in my trig class. So it can’t be the most useless skill in the world.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
(nodding)<\/p>\n
The most useless skill would have to be unpaid, and it would have to involve a lot of people, and it would have to be just soul-deadening torpor.<\/p>\n
Beat.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS & CODY<\/p>\n
Farmville.<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
Yup, that wins.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
Joyless, pointless time vampire.<\/p>\n
Beat.<\/p>\n
UNCLE THOMAS<\/p>\n
Well, I feel better about my day now.<\/p>\n
CODY<\/p>\n
But worse about life.<\/p>\n
Uncle Thomas nods.<\/p>\n
FADE OUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Here’s my take on the “Useless Skills” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[260],"class_list":["post-1759","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-useless-skills"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1759","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1759"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1759\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1761,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1759\/revisions\/1761"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1759"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1759"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1759"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}