Here’s my take on the “Naked!” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:<\/p>\n
INT. OFFICE DOOR – DAY<\/p>\n
A sign on a door reads, “Stan Wellnitz, TSA Administrator.”<\/p>\n
CONNOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
I just can’t do it, boss.<\/p>\n
INT. OFFICE – DAY<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ (50s) sits at his desk in a shabby little office.<\/p>\n
CONNOR (20s, haunted) sits across from him.<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
Connor, this is silly. You’re the best backscatter analyst this airport has. <\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
Too much nakedness. Too much.<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
Yes, when somebody steps into the airport scanning machine, you’re the guy that sees them more-or-less naked. So? You’re a big boy, Connor. It’s fine. <\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
Maybe if I lived in France, or I dunno, Sweden, it would be fine. But we’re in America. <\/p>\n
Off of Wellnitz’s puzzled look --<\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
There are three million morbidly-obese people in this country, boss. <\/p>\n
(haunted whisper)<\/p>\n
I think I’ve seen all of them.<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
Your problem is... the nudity?<\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
(to himself)<\/p>\n
So many skin diseases.<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
Well, just suck it up for eight hours a day, and --<\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
This has ruined nudity for me, forever. I see naked people everywhere.<\/p>\n
Wellnitz gets up from his desk.<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
What, so you can tell what I’m carrying now?<\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
Keys, wallet, and fifty-seven cents in loose change.<\/p>\n
This stuns Wellnitz for a moment, then --<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
You’re seeing me<\/i> naked?<\/p>\n
Connor stares somewhere far away.<\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
Right now, I’m seeing a naked, four-hundred pound man with a<\/p>\n
colostomy bag and a raging erection.<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
But I’m not four hundred pounds --<\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
I saw that image three months ago.<\/p>\n
(haunted whisper)<\/p>\n
It never leaves.<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
Connor, we started using software to distort the passengers’ faces and... intimate areas. So I think -- <\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
(shudders)<\/p>\n
I know. They’re distorted freaks! They’re showing up in my nightmares.<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
Alright, fine, Connor.<\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
It’s like David Cronenberg is directing my dreams.<\/p>\n
Offscreen, the door opens.<\/p>\n
RIKU<\/p>\n
Hi guys!<\/p>\n
Connor turns to see --<\/p>\n
A horrible vision<\/p>\n
A short, squat man, but black and white, naked, folds of fat everywhere, patchy skin, the face stretched out into a horrid rictus, the crotch eerily smoothed out. <\/p>\n
back on connor<\/p>\n
Connor yelps, cowers in his seat, rubs his eyes, and now we cut back to a...<\/p>\n
normal shot of the office<\/p>\n
We see that it’s RIKU (20s), the same short, squat guy, but fully clothed.<\/p>\n
He’s still incredibly creepy, but he no longer looks like something out of Ringu.<\/p>\n
RIKU<\/p>\n
What?<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
Riku here can take on your responsibilities, Connor.<\/p>\n
RIKU<\/p>\n
Sweet!<\/p>\n
Riku gets uncomfortably close to Connor’s ear.<\/p>\n
RIKU<\/p>\n
(whispers)<\/p>\n
I want to see the naked people.<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
That’s good for you, right, Connor?<\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
Yes. But --<\/p>\n
Riku interrupts with a creepy noise.<\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
-- but maybe not the best for passengers. Y’know what? I’ll... I’ll stick this out a while longer.<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
Really?<\/p>\n
CONNOR<\/p>\n
Yeah, you don’t need to transfer Riku.<\/p>\n
Connor exits the office like a man walking up to the gallows.<\/p>\n
Beat.<\/p>\n
RIKU<\/p>\n
You wouldn’t really put me on backscatter duty, would you?<\/p>\n
WELLNITZ<\/p>\n
Hell no. You’re just here to scare Connor back into line.<\/p>\n
INT. OFFICE DOOR – DAY<\/p>\n
Same as before.<\/p>\n
RIKU (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Whew. Thank god. I’m creepy, but even I’ve got limits.<\/p>\n
FADE OUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “Naked!” edition of Sketchar: “The Working Horror”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[257],"class_list":["post-1745","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-naked"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1745","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1745"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1745\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1747,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1745\/revisions\/1747"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1745"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1745"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1745"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}