Here’s my take on the “Twilight Zone” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:<\/p>\n
INT. SALES OFFICE – DAY<\/p>\n
A late-50s sales office. A bit plain-looking. All shot in black-and-white. A couple of 20-something SECRETARIES type at their desks.<\/p>\n
JERRY HAGMAN (mid 20s) all but jumps out through a door marked “Carlyle Cinchman, Sr. Assoc.”.<\/p>\n
CARLYLE (O.S.)<\/p>\n
Get out! And stay out! And don’t set foot in here until you’ve got some sales numbers, Jerry!<\/p>\n
JERRY<\/p>\n
You got it, Mr. Cinchman!<\/p>\n
(to himself)<\/p>\n
Ah, if I could just catch a break, I know I could nab a big sale!<\/p>\n
Suddenly, everything FREEZES -- the secretaries go still, the typewriters go silent -- except for Jerry.<\/p>\n
A DEMON materializes. The demon has the form of a dapper, white-haired Englishman -- unflappable confidence, with just a hint of smug.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Did you just ask for a ‘break’, Mr. Hagman?<\/p>\n
JERRY<\/p>\n
Yeah -- wait. Who are you? How do you know my name?<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Oh, we know everything about you: Jerry Hagman, 25 years old, a go-getter at Cinchman & Caldwell who so far hasn’t gone and gotten anything.<\/p>\n
Jerry waves a hand in front of a secretary.<\/p>\n
JERRY<\/p>\n
How’s everything frozen?<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
We have stopped time, so we can be undisturbed while we discuss your contract.<\/p>\n
JERRY<\/p>\n
What contract?<\/p>\n
The demon waves a hand, and a contract appears.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
We are prepared to offer you a million billion dollars, even, just so long as you --<\/p>\n
TRAINER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Wait! Stop!<\/p>\n
Now Jerry freezes as well.<\/p>\n
The DEMON TRAINER materializes -- he looks much more traditionally-demonic, but has an air of wearied patience.<\/p>\n
Suddenly, the demon looks worried and apologetic.<\/p>\n
TRAINER<\/p>\n
Okay, what did we do wrong there?<\/p>\n
The demon thinks a moment.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Um... too... too much...<\/p>\n
TRAINER<\/p>\n
Too much money, right. That number doesn’t even make sense to the mark.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Sorry.<\/p>\n
TRAINER<\/p>\n
You can offer money, but not so much money that it upturns the entire economy.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Can I try again?<\/p>\n
The trainer nods and waves a hand.<\/p>\n
The screen BLURS and we’re back to...<\/p>\n
JERRY<\/p>\n
What contract?<\/p>\n
The demon materializes the contract again.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
A contract that will reward you with not one, but two<\/i> free movie tickets for the showing of your --<\/p>\n
TRAINER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
No!<\/p>\n
Jerry looks confused.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Too little?<\/p>\n
TRAINER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Way too little. Try again.<\/p>\n
The screen blurs, and were back to the demon, holding a contract.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
This contract stipulates that if you do not accept these terms, we kill this adorable kitten.<\/p>\n
He points at a desk. A kitten pops into existence on it. Mews.<\/p>\n
The trainer appears, freezes Jerry.<\/p>\n
TRAINER<\/p>\n
What? What is this?<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
It’s the right amount, right?<\/p>\n
TRAINER<\/p>\n
Killing kittens is tacky.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Do we have to do this sales office? I’d rather visit a castle!<\/p>\n
TRAINER<\/p>\n
Close this deal first, Bruce.<\/p>\n
The trainer waves a hand, and the screen blurs back to the demon holding a contract.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
This contract will give you a silver tongue. You’ll be able to sell anything to anybody!<\/p>\n
JERRY<\/p>\n
That sounds perfect! Sign me up!<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Of course, your near-hypnotic powers will alienate the public, and eventually you’ll probably get taken down by a lynch mob.<\/p>\n
JERRY<\/p>\n
I... what?<\/p>\n
The trainer enters again, freezes Jerry.<\/p>\n
TRAINER<\/p>\n
What’s rule number three, Bruce? “Never...<\/p>\n
TRAINER & DEMON<\/p>\n
“... mention the deal’s inherent drawbacks.”<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Okay, okay, I got it this time.<\/p>\n
Trainer waves a hand; screen blurs; back to the demon holding the contract.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Actually, y’know what? Forget the contract. Let’s just time-travel back to medieval France. Have you ever seen a jousting tournament?<\/p>\n
The trainer walks on, freezing Jerry, and gives the demon a long, disappointed look.<\/p>\n
DEMON<\/p>\n
Well, why not? Why do we have to keep offering cruelly ironic bargains to these people? Can’t we do something fun?<\/p>\n
TRAINER<\/p>\n
I want you to go over there, and take a few minutes to think about how stupid what you just said is.<\/p>\n
The demon sighs and stomps off.<\/p>\n
The trainer finds a seat, sits.<\/p>\n
Time passes.<\/p>\n
Suddenly a classic gray ALIEN appears.<\/p>\n
ALIEN<\/p>\n
Demonic trainer number 5821. We are prepared to offer you a gift that will make you a million billion times better than all other training employees.<\/p>\n
DEMON (O.S.)<\/p>\n
Oh, that’s just weak.<\/p>\n
ALIEN<\/p>\n
You stay out of this, Bruce!<\/p>\n
FADE OUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Here’s my take on the “Twilight Zone” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1717","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1717","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1717"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1717\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1734,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1717\/revisions\/1734"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1717"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1717"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1717"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}