{"id":171,"date":"2008-12-19T18:25:00","date_gmt":"2008-12-20T02:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=171"},"modified":"2008-12-19T18:25:00","modified_gmt":"2008-12-20T02:25:00","slug":"sketch-war-334am-edition-peters-entry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/?p=171","title":{"rendered":"Sketch War, "3:34am" Edition, Peter’s Entry"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Friday Sketch War
\n3:34AM Edition
\n\u201cBuilding Maintenance\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n

BLACKNESS<\/p>\n

A light SWITCHES ON to REVEAL —<\/p>\n

INT. CONFERENCE AREA – NIGHT<\/p>\n

SANJAY walks into an ad-hoc meeting-space in a vast, dark office floor. It has a couple of couches and a coffee table.<\/p>\n

A projection screen (now blank) occupies a nearby wall.<\/p>\n

A large mechanical device sits in the middle of the area.<\/p>\n

A wall clock tells us it\u2019s 3:34. The darkened windows along the wall tell us it\u2019s 3:34am.<\/p>\n

Sanjay wears a nice suit. He chugs down a big mug of coffee as he walks in.<\/p>\n

He puts down the mug. Takes a breath.<\/p>\n

A NOISE from the darkness.<\/p>\n

Sanjay peers around. Nothing.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Screen on.<\/p>\n

The projection screen blips on. It shows MR. ABBAS, sitting somewhere expensive and sunny and staring at the screen.<\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

Four minutes late.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Oh. I can explain.<\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

I\u2019m kidding! It\u2019s a joke!<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Ha.<\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

You can be late — it is, what, three in the morning where you are?<\/p>\n

OMINOUS SOUNDTRACK MUSIC fades in on the office PA system.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

We pride ourselves on professionalism, sir. We\u2019re more than happy to accommodate your schedule, because…<\/p>\n

He trails off. Where the hell did that music come from?<\/i><\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

Is that music?<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Yes. Is that a problem?<\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

No, just show this machine to me.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Of course, sir.<\/p>\n

In the background, a JANITOR enters and lays a long piece of brightly-colored TAPE on the floor. Sanjay hasn\u2019t noticed him yet —<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

This is just a model of the EP-71, but — bwah!<\/p>\n

That\u2019s Sanjay noticing the janitor.<\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

What?<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Just one moment, sir. Screen off.<\/p>\n

Screen blips off.<\/p>\n

The janitor finishes laying down the length of tape. Sanjay just stares at him. By way of explanation —<\/p>\n

JANITOR<\/p>\n

Tuesday night. So I tape.<\/p>\n

— and off he goes.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Screen on. Sorry, I —<\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

I have no time. Show me this machine! Now!<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

This is just a model, but it demonstrates —<\/p>\n

Janitor re-enters, dumping a pile of small beanbags behind the tape line. Off Sanjay\u2019s look —<\/p>\n

JANITOR<\/p>\n

Tuesday!<\/p>\n

He re-exits.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

— demonstrates the drilling capabilities of the real device.<\/p>\n

The janitor re-enters, moves the couches to the wall while Sanjay soldiers on.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

The innovative design saves over 30% in spillage and —<\/p>\n

The janitor starts dragging the machine away.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Screen off!<\/p>\n

Screen blips off.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

What the hell! What are you doing?<\/p>\n

JANITOR<\/p>\n

Tuesday!<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Please just leave this machine here. Please.<\/p>\n

Janitor shrugs, exits.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Screen on.<\/p>\n

Screen blips on.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Sorry about that. Now —<\/p>\n

ANNE (O.S.)<\/p>\n

Lightning bolt!<\/p>\n

A beanbag hits Sanjay in the head.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

What?<\/p>\n

And suddenly a bunch of EXECS, including ANNE and the CEO, rush in.<\/p>\n

They\u2019re dressed in Ren Faire\/fantasy costumes, brandishing Nerf swords, and throwing beanbags at one another while shouting D&D spell names: \u201cMagic missile!\u201d, \u201cHeal!\u201d, et cetera. (Anne only ever says \u201cLightning bolt!\u201d)<\/p>\n

The CEO wears a hood that conceals his face.<\/p>\n

They nearly knock Sanjay down in the bustle.<\/p>\n

The CEO triumphantly jumps behind the tape.<\/p>\n

CEO<\/p>\n

Aha! The forces of Melchior have activated the magic wall!<\/p>\n

Anne throws a beanbag at him.<\/p>\n

ANNE<\/p>\n

Lightning bolt!<\/p>\n

CEO<\/p>\n

\u2018Magic wall\u2019.<\/p>\n

ANNE<\/p>\n

Sorry.<\/p>\n

The CEO sees the beanbag pile.<\/p>\n

CEO<\/p>\n

And now we have a stash of new spells!<\/p>\n

A few execs cheer.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

What are you people doing?<\/p>\n

The CEO pulls back the hood.<\/p>\n

CEO<\/p>\n

Live-action D&D, Sanjay.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Oh. Boss. Hi.<\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

This is not good! And unprofessional!<\/p>\n

CEO<\/p>\n

You\u2019re meeting with Abbas now? During the game?<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Game?<\/p>\n

CEO<\/p>\n

Fix this.<\/p>\n

The CEO leads the EXECS away.<\/p>\n

CEO (O.S.)<\/p>\n

This castle is protected by an evil wizard! We must escape!<\/p>\n

Sanjay faces the screen. Mr. Abbas is not happy.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

I — this isn\u2019t — let\u2019s get back to the machine —<\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

I\u2019m kidding! It is fine. I play like that all the time. I am a fifth-level bard.<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

I — what?<\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

But — no time. Do this again same time tomorrow?<\/p>\n

SANJAY<\/p>\n

Okay. Sure.<\/p>\n

MR. ABBAS<\/p>\n

Screen off.<\/p>\n

The screen blips off.<\/p>\n

Sanjay collapses on a couch.<\/p>\n

ANNE (O.S.)<\/p>\n

Lightning bolt!<\/p>\n

A beanbag flies in from offscreen and hits Sanjay in the head.<\/p>\n

He lies down and goes to sleep.<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Friday Sketch War 3:34AM Edition \u201cBuilding Maintenance\u201d BLACKNESS A light SWITCHES ON to REVEAL — INT. CONFERENCE AREA – NIGHT SANJAY walks into an ad-hoc meeting-space in a vast, dark office floor. It has a couple of couches and a coffee table. A projection screen (now blank) occupies a nearby wall. A large mechanical device […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[10,98],"class_list":["post-171","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-334am","tag-hujhax"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/171","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=171"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/171\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=171"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=171"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=171"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}