Here’s Patrick Knisely’s take on the “Unemployment” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
SID sits on his lazy-boy, Budweiser in one hand, remote control on the other. A soap opera plays on the television. Suddenly, SCIENTISTS enter.<\/p>\n
SID<\/p>\n
What in the hell is going on here?<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 1<\/p>\n
Okay, the unit will go right there.<\/p>\n
Scientist 1 points at Sid.<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 2<\/p>\n
We’ll have to remove the meat-bag, of course.<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 1<\/p>\n
Of course.<\/p>\n
Sid attempts to stand up, stumbling at first before succeeding.<\/p>\n
SID<\/p>\n
Now I don’t know what the hell you white-coated fellas think you’re doing, but this is my house, and my...<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 2<\/p>\n
Sir, please be quiet, we’re discussing important matters over here.<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 1<\/p>\n
This set up should suit the unit well. No matter how many of these places I go in, I still can’t get used to it.<\/p>\n
Scientist 1 lifts an old pizza box and shakes his head in mild disgust.<\/p>\n
SID<\/p>\n
I’ll call the police! I’ll get my shotgun!<\/p>\n
Scientist 2 retrieves a document from his coat.<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 2<\/p>\n
Mr. Render, is it?<\/p>\n
SID<\/p>\n
Well...yeah. Name’s Sid.<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 2<\/p>\n
Mr. Render, you don’t read your mail closely, do you?<\/p>\n
SID<\/p>\n
Huh?<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 1<\/p>\n
With your last unemployment check you should have received a written notice. Did you receive your last unemployment check?<\/p>\n
SID<\/p>\n
Well, heck yeah. Never enough, though. My expenses are high and with the economy...<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 2<\/p>\n
That notice indicated that your position is being terminated and automated.<\/p>\n
SID<\/p>\n
My position?<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 1<\/p>\n
Yes, your unemployment position.<\/p>\n
SID<\/p>\n
Come again?<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 2<\/p>\n
We have little need for humans sitting around collecting unemployment these days, so you’re being replaced.<\/p>\n
SID<\/p>\n
Replaced?<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 1<\/p>\n
Yes, with UE Unit 102. It’s quite a nice design.<\/p>\n
Sid stares blankly.<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 2<\/p>\n
You’re being replaced with a robot. <\/p>\n
Sid continues to stare blankly. A third scientist enters, escorting UE UNIT 102.<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 2<\/p>\n
All of your functions--drinking, eating, check collecting, rabble rousing, pretending to look for a job--can be much more effectively completed by UE Unit 102.<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 3<\/p>\n
Here’s the unit.<\/p>\n
UE UNIT 102<\/p>\n
I. Need. A. Beer.<\/p>\n
UE Unit 102 goes to the fridge.<\/p>\n
SID<\/p>\n
Those are my beers!<\/p>\n
SCIENTIST 2<\/p>\n
Not anymore. Witness, the marvel of science.<\/p>\n
UE Unit 102 chugs a Budweiser and smashes the can against its head. The scientists all look at each other in a congratulatory manner.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Here’s Patrick Knisely’s take on the “Unemployment” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[222],"class_list":["post-1666","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-unemployment"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1666","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1666"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1666\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1670,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1666\/revisions\/1670"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1666"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1666"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1666"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}