Here’s my take on the “Internet Dating” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n
In a trendy restaurant, GENE (20s) sits alone at a table set for two.<\/p>\n
The table has two half-eaten meals on it.<\/p>\n
Gene checks his watch and looks around.<\/p>\n
Then MADISON (20s, female) and HUNTER (20s, male) -- perfect-looking, irritatingly cheerful -- approach the table. Madison sits.<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
Um -- excuse me, I’m sort of on a date here?<\/p>\n
MADISON<\/p>\n
You were<\/i> on a date, Gene.<\/p>\n
HUNTER<\/p>\n
Yeah, we extracted Clarissa from this one. She’s not coming back.<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
“Extracted?”<\/p>\n
Madison extends a hand.<\/p>\n
MADISON<\/p>\n
Hi. We’re from FunDates, Inc., the site that arranged this get-together --<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
You’ve come along on my date?<\/p>\n
MADISON<\/p>\n
-- and our monitoring detected that this date of yours hasn’t been “fun”.<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
Well, yeah, it’s a first date, so --<\/p>\n
HUNTER<\/p>\n
Not the problem, big guy. The problem? You.<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
What?<\/p>\n
MADISON<\/p>\n
You know the FunDates slogan, right?<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
HUNTER<\/p>\n
It’s “We make dating fun.” Try to keep up, buddy.<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
Sorry?<\/p>\n
MADISON<\/p>\n
The problem is that only 3% of the population --<\/p>\n
HUNTER<\/p>\n
-- people like us --<\/p>\n
MADISON<\/p>\n
-- actually has fun with dating. The rest of the population --<\/p>\n
HUNTER<\/p>\n
-- people like you --<\/p>\n
MADISON<\/p>\n
-- just stumble through it awkwardly. The only reason conventional dating even still exists is because people like us, well, we kind of run society, and we like it.<\/p>\n
HUNTER<\/p>\n
FunDates exists because, frankly, we’re tired of dealing with the chaff.<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
“Chaff?”<\/p>\n
HUNTER<\/p>\n
We have matching algorithms that try to filter out non-fun people like you, champ.<\/p>\n
MADISON<\/p>\n
What can I say, Gene? You seemed fun on paper.<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
Why are you telling me this in person? In the middle of my --<\/p>\n
Hunter leaves the table.<\/p>\n
MADISON<\/p>\n
But don’t worry, Gene! You’re in luck! We had another extraction here at this same restaurant.<\/p>\n
Hunter returns with AMY (20s, attractive, confused).<\/p>\n
MADISON<\/p>\n
Amy is another FunDates reject, so maybe you two will hit it off in your artless, developmentally-stunted way.<\/p>\n
Madison gets up to go.<\/p>\n
HUNTER<\/p>\n
Enjoy your night!<\/p>\n
Madison and Hunter leave.<\/p>\n
Amy sits.<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
Hey.<\/p>\n
AMY<\/p>\n
Hey.<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
GENE<\/p>\n
Want to go burn down the FunDates building?<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
AMY<\/p>\n
Yeah, sounds good.<\/p>\n
They exit.<\/p>\n
FADE TO BLACK.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “Internet Dating” edition of Sketchwar: “FunDates Inc.”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[249],"class_list":["post-1645","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-internet-dating"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1645","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1645"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1645\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1648,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1645\/revisions\/1648"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1645"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1645"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1645"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}