Here’s my take on the “Seduction” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:\u00a0 <\/p>\n
OPENING TITLE<\/p>\n
A gauzy camera pans across blinking network equipment as soft, ROMANTIC MUSIC plays.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER<\/p>\n
We now return to Harlequin IT Theatre’s presentation: “Unexpected Downtime”.<\/p>\n
The title “Unexpected Downtime” appears over the footage, in an appropriately scrolly, romance-novel-y font.<\/p>\n
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA (20s), a bit too fancily-dressed and -coiffed for office work, sits at her elegant desk in her elegant office.<\/p>\n
Her computer shows an error message.<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
Dammit!<\/p>\n
REYNALDO (20s) enters in the background, barely visible.<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
Shoshanna, you said you’ve hit a routing connectivity error with an 802.11g WiFi card.<\/p>\n
Shoshanna whips around to see --<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
We get a better look at him now -- he’s basically Fabio in an white short-sleeved dress shirt and Dockers.<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
Reynaldo! How dare you set foot in my office?<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
It’s my job. And there’s no network-migration problem you can get into that I can’t fix.<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
Oh, really? Well, when you ‘fixed’ Clarissa’s machine, you stripped her motherboard bare, paved her OS, and left her with a minimal distro of Ubuntu. I... can never trust you again, Reynaldo.<\/p>\n
Reynaldo approaches, all puppy-dog sympathy.<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
Please. Shoshanna. You don’t even have LAN access.<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
Oh, fine! Just this once!<\/p>\n
She steps aside, and Reynaldo hunkers down over the computer.<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
Aha.<\/p>\n
He whips off his shirt.<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
What?! Why are you removing your shirt in my office?!<\/p>\n
He turns his attention back to Shoshanna.<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
I can’t help it, Shoshanna. Your machine, it... runs hotter than normal.<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
Oh?<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
I may have to manipulate your heat sink until things cool down.<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
But... what’s wrong with it?<\/p>\n
Reynaldo gets closer and closer to Shoshanna.<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
Maybe your fans need to be oiled. Maybe there’s a loose plug that needs to be grabbed and firmly seated.<\/p>\n
Now they’re mere inches apart.<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
... or maybe your disk hasn’t been defragmented in a long, long time.<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
Oh, damn you, Reynaldo! Damn your smoldering eyes and thorough technical expertise!<\/p>\n
She kisses him, passionately.<\/p>\n
As they continue kissing, the camera pans away to a blinking network router and blurs out of focus.<\/p>\n
MR. CARLSON (O.S.)<\/p>\n
WAIT ONE MINUTE!<\/p>\n
MR. CARLSON<\/p>\n
-- a mean old man in a fancy suit -- stands just outside the office doorway.<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
Mr. Carlson!<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
Daddy!<\/p>\n
MR. CARLSON<\/p>\n
If it isn’t Reynaldo, the bad-boy IT-maintenance engineer. This is not your lucky day, son.<\/p>\n
Mr. Carlson brandishes a sheet of paper clearly labeled ‘corporate reassignment’.<\/p>\n
MR. CARLSON<\/p>\n
I’ve got you reassigned... to IT support at the Bangalore remote office. Effective immediately.<\/p>\n
REYNALDO<\/p>\n
Mr. Carlson, of all the underhanded --<\/p>\n
MR. CARLSON<\/p>\n
Get your shirt and go, son.<\/p>\n
Reynaldo grabs his shirt and exits.<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
But, daddy!<\/p>\n
MR. CARLSON<\/p>\n
It’s for your own good, princess.<\/p>\n
SHOSHANNA<\/p>\n
You! You just outsourced the only man I ever loved!<\/p>\n
Shoshanna SLAMS the door on Mr. Carlson.<\/p>\n
She BURSTS INTO TEARS.<\/p>\n
CLOSING TITLE<\/p>\n
Same as before -- gauzy camera, network equipment, ROMANTIC MUSIC.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER<\/p>\n
Harlequin IT Theatre’s presentation of: “Unexpected Downtime” will return after these messages.<\/p>\n
FADE OUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “Seduction” edition of Sketchwar: “Unexpected Downtime”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[246],"class_list":["post-1627","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-seduction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1627","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1627"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1627\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1631,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1627\/revisions\/1631"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1627"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1627"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1627"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}