Here’s my take on the “Blind” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY<\/p>\n
A plain recording space with a big vocal mic and a large television monitor (though we can’t see the screen).<\/p>\n
A PRODUCER sits at a console behind a large window.<\/p>\n
An ACTOR enters the studio, carrying a script.<\/p>\n
PRODUCER<\/p>\n
Ready for the next scene?<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
Yeah, just needed some water.<\/p>\n
PRODUCER<\/p>\n
Great. Make sure you sync up to the images right.<\/p>\n
As the actor puts on a pair of headphones --<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
Got it.<\/p>\n
PRODUCER<\/p>\n
Okay, “David Lynch project, commentary track for the visually impaired, scene six, take one.”<\/p>\n
The actor watches the screen, then reads from his script.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
A beautiful 1965 Cadillac approaches the drugstore.<\/p>\n
Pause.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
John enters the drugstore.<\/p>\n
Short pause. <\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
Everything is bright and cheery in a way that is deeply, deeply unsettling.<\/p>\n
Pause.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
He approaches the woman at the checkout counter, who looks, not model-hot, but still way too attractive to work at a drugstore.<\/p>\n
Pause.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
That voice was disembodied.<\/p>\n
Pause.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
So was that one.<\/p>\n
Pause.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
She dances slowly to inaudible music.<\/p>\n
Pause.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
Now the screen’s gone all red and wobbly.<\/p>\n
Pause.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
We hear her maniacal laughter while her face stays still.<\/p>\n
Pause.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
I think his mouth has begun eating itself.<\/p>\n
Pause. The actor watches the screen for the right moment, then reads from the script:<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
I don’t even know.<\/p>\n
Pause.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
The drugstore explodes in a giant fireball.<\/p>\n
Pause.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
And suddenly returns to normal.<\/p>\n
PRODUCER<\/p>\n
And that’s a take.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
Next scene?<\/p>\n
PRODUCER<\/p>\n
Sure.<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
Oh, and are we pronouncing it ‘cephal-uh-pod’ or ‘cephal-oh-pod’?<\/p>\n
A sudden PUFF OF SMOKE and a smarmy GAME SHOW HOST appears.<\/p>\n
GAME SHOW HOST<\/p>\n
Congratulations! You’ve just delivered the most interesting sentence in the universe for March 28th!<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
What? I did?<\/p>\n
PRODUCER<\/p>\n
Who are you talking to?<\/p>\n
The smoke expands to fill the screen, and the actor and game show host emerges from it to --<\/p>\n
INT. CHEAP GAME SHOW STUDIO – DAY<\/p>\n
The accoutrements of a low-budget 80s game show occupy what looks like an infinity cave.<\/p>\n
A large sign overhead says “The Universe”. A set of curtains wall off a nearby area.<\/p>\n
CHEESY PRODUCTION MUSIC plays.<\/p>\n
The game show host leads the actor to a seat.<\/p>\n
GAME SHOW HOST <\/p>\n
And for speaking the most interesting sentence in the universe, you receive a free lifetime supply of Malt-o-Meal, and this 1989 Chevy Corsica!<\/p>\n
He waves his arms, and the curtains part to reveal the car as TRIUMPHANT MUSIC plays.<\/p>\n
LOUD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE, obviously canned.<\/p>\n
GAME SHOW HOST<\/p>\n
What do we say, Mr. Winner?<\/p>\n
ACTOR<\/p>\n
Thanks, universe!<\/p>\n
As the host leads the actor over to the car, we cut to --<\/p>\n
STILL IMAGE<\/p>\n
Text at the top: “The Universe: brought to you by...”<\/p>\n
And there is a logo for “Quickie Lube”.<\/p>\n
VOICEOVER<\/p>\n
Promotional consideration for The Universe by Quickie Lube Oil Change. Remember: the only thing vaguely-sexual about Quickie Lube is our prices!<\/p>\n
FADE OUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “Blind” edition of Sketchwar: “Narration for the Blind”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[241],"class_list":["post-1602","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-blind"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1602","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1602"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1602\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1604,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1602\/revisions\/1604"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1602"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1602"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1602"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}