Here’s my take on the “The End of the World” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:\u00a0<\/p>\n
INT. BUSINESS OFFICE – DAY<\/p>\n
MASON and ZANE (20s, fashion-y suits) sit across from T’HOTH, a robed, bumpy-headed alien with a sheaf of papers.<\/p>\n
There are posters on the wall for movies like Dragonocalypse, The Gray Goo, and The Day the Moon Smashed Into the Earth.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
Conventionally, I would bring a battalion of spaceships to the planet, fire up large-phase energy weapons, and --<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
T’Hoth, Ima stop you right there.<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
Spaceships?<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
Played out. Totally played out.<\/p>\n
T’Hoth flips through his papers.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
But most of my methods for destroying planets are rather spaceship-centric.<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
‘saright. You’ve destroyed hundreds of planets.<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
Just show us what you got, High Emperor T’Hoth. All ears.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
Ah -- you could trap the Earth in a simultaneity loop. That way, temporal copies of the Earth keep appearing in the same moment, until it all compacts into a steady-state “neutron ring” along the planetary orbit --<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
Whoa.<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
Too “science.”<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
It’s original, and that’s good.<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
But we need a way to destroy the earth that a drooling, brain-damaged five-year-old can understand.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
You could stop the rotation of the earth’s core.<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
Done.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
Blow up the sun.<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
Done.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
Hit the earth with a really big hammer.<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
Technically, the same as Armageddon.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
Amass an army of space dragons --<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
Animals? Played. out.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
Crash the moon into --<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
Done.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
Comets ta--<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
Done.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
Open a wormh--<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
Done. Twice.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
Well, that’s me out of ideas. I mean, in the long run it’ll be resource depletion and greenhouse gases --<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
Too Obama.<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
Not enough explosions.<\/p>\n
T’HOTH<\/p>\n
Hey. Thanks for giving me a chance.<\/p>\n
He shakes hands with Mason.<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
Check is in the mail, bro.<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
So.<\/p>\n
Zane pulls out a promotional one-sheet with: (1) a man running towards the camera with a gun; (2) lots of wind in the background; (3) the title “Assloads’o’Tornadoes.”<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
We go with plan A?<\/p>\n
MASON<\/p>\n
Only if we pronounce it “TOR-nuh-doze.”<\/p>\n
ZANE<\/p>\n
Deal.<\/p>\n
They shake hands.<\/p>\n
STAR WIPE TO:<\/p>\n
A CLOSE-UP OF THE POSTER<\/p>\n
BACKGROUND SINGERS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Assloads of TOR-nuh-doze! \/ Spinnin’ around and destroyin’ the planet! \/ Assloads of TOR-nuh-doze! \/ Gonna hit that wind with a really big hammer! \/ Assloads of TOR-nuh-doze!<\/p>\n
FADE OUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “The End of the World” edition of Sketchwar: “Destroying the Earth, Over and Over”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[209],"class_list":["post-1554","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-the-end-of-the-world"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1554","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1554"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1554\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1554"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1554"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1554"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}