Here’s my take on the “Football” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
[This is a ‘runner’ — a series of short scenes that could be interspersed in a larger show.]<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:\u00a0<\/p>\n
TITLE CARD: “Great Moments in Football-Watching.”<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
“Great Moments in Football” presents: “Great Moments in Football-Watching.”<\/p>\n
INT. 80S-STYLE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT<\/p>\n
JEFF (20s) sits on a couch in front of an 80s-era TV set in an 80s-era living room. The TV shows a commercial break.<\/p>\n
The scene itself is silent, except for TRIUMPHANT MUSIC that plays throughout.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
January 24th, 1982. Just before Superbowl XVI’s dramatic finish, Jeff Andreeson feels a hankering for nachos.<\/p>\n
Jeff looks hungry, and exits.<\/p>\n
INT. 80S-STYLE KITCHEN – NIGHT<\/p>\n
A bowl of chips sits on the counter. Jeff pulls a block of cheese out of the fridge.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
There’s no time to melt the cheese over the oven. But Jeff Andreeson has an idea.<\/p>\n
POV: INSIDE THE MICROWAVE<\/p>\n
Jeff opens the microwave door and puts in the block of cheese.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
He uses his new “microwave oven” to save some time.<\/p>\n
INT. 80S-STYLE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT<\/p>\n
Jeff re-enters with nachos just as the TV shows the “Superbowl XVI” logo.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
And so, the first producer of microwave nachos returned triumphant, just in time for the fourth quarter.<\/p>\n
Jeff cheers, punching both fists in the air, scattering nachos everywhere and splattering himself with scalding nacho cheese.<\/p>\n
Just as he starts screaming --<\/p>\n
TITLE CARD: “Great Moments in Football-Watching”<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
This has been “Great Moments in Football-Watching.”<\/p>\n
----<\/p>\n
TITLE CARD: “Great Moments in Telling Other People About Football You Just Watched”<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
“Great Moments in Football” presents: “Great Moments in Telling Other People About Football You Just Watched”.<\/p>\n
INT. OFFICE WATER COOLER – DAY<\/p>\n
SAM (20s) stands beside the water cooler in a drab, modern-day office. He wears a Steelers jersey, and talks excitedly to his BORED COWORKERS.<\/p>\n
Again: silent scene, TRIUMPHANT MUSIC.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Week six of the 2004 NFL season, and Sam Jefferson has just seen his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers end the Patriots’ historic 21-game winning streak.<\/p>\n
The bored coworkers leave.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
The problem? Nobody cares.<\/p>\n
The CEO enters, also wearing a Steelers Jersey.<\/p>\n
They jump up and down, hug, talk excitedly.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Nobody, that is, except the company CEO.<\/p>\n
They walk away, still talking.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Within a month, Sam was promoted from Sub-Assistant Manager of Divisional Sales to Assistant Manager of Divisional Sales.<\/p>\n
Sam punches the air. Freeze-frame.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
You go, Sam Jefferson.<\/p>\n
TITLE CARD: “Great Moments in Telling Other People About Football You Just Watched”<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
This has been “Great Moments in Telling Other People About Football You Just Watched.”<\/p>\n
----<\/p>\n
TITLE CARD: “Great Moments in Commentating About ‘Great Moments in Football-Watching'”<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
“Great Moments in Football” presents: “Great Moments in Commentating About ‘Great Moments in Football-Watching.'”<\/p>\n
INT. RECORDING BOOTH – DAY<\/p>\n
ROD (40s) enters a recording booth with a TV set.<\/p>\n
This has faint TRIUMPHANT MUSIC, but is NOT a silent scene.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
November 5th, 2009. Rod Hardtackle, professional announcer, faces his greatest commentating challenge yet.<\/p>\n
At this point, the television starts playing the footage from the first sketch (“Great Moments in Football-Watching”), and the onscreen Rod begins speaking the lines from that sketch.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile the voiceover Rod continues:<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
He’s got the beginnings of a cold, a slight hangover, and absolutely no interest in the microwave-nacho-themed source material, but somehow, he finds the strength to soldier through under these trying circumstances. Even when he nearly mispronounces “Andreeson” as “Anderson”, he finds the strength to keep going. Truly, he is a god among men.<\/p>\n
Just as onscreen-Rod punches the air triumphantly --<\/p>\n
THE SCREEN EXPLODES.<\/p>\n
OVER BLACK<\/p>\n
Two classic Python-esque PEPPERPOTS have a discussion.<\/p>\n
PEPPERPOT #1<\/p>\n
What’s that, then?<\/p>\n
PEPPERPOT #2<\/p>\n
The screen exploded.<\/p>\n
PEPPERPOT #1<\/p>\n
Exploded?<\/p>\n
PEPPERPOT #2<\/p>\n
Exploded. Too much meta-commentary, I reckon.<\/p>\n
PEPPERPOT #1<\/p>\n
Telling jokes about the jokes, and such?<\/p>\n
PEPPERPOT #2<\/p>\n
Yeah. Blew the telly right up.<\/p>\n
PEPPERPOT #1<\/p>\n
But aren’t we meta-commenting now?<\/p>\n
PEPPERPOT #2<\/p>\n
You’re right. Switch to camera four!<\/p>\n
PEPPERPOT #1<\/p>\n
Switch to camera fou--<\/p>\n
Abruptly we switch to --<\/p>\n
A TEST PATTERN<\/p>\n
After a half-second of this, we switch to --<\/p>\n
STOCK FOOTAGE OF A BUNNY<\/p>\n
... accompanied by A HAPPY INSTRUMENTAL (“Skating”, by Vince Guaraldi).<\/p>\n
After a few seconds of this, we bring up --<\/p>\n
TITLE CARD: “Great Moments in Bunny Footage That Keeps Your Television from Exploding.”<\/p>\n
The TRIUMPHANT MUSIC returns.<\/p>\n
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
This has been “Great Moments in Bunny Footage that Keeps Your Television from Exploding.”<\/p>\n
FADE OUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “Football” edition of Sketchwar: “Great Moments!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[71],"class_list":["post-1520","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-football"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1520","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1520"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1520\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1520"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1520"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1520"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}