Here’s my take on the “Fun With Agriculture” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
(I envision this as simple, black-and-white animation \u00e0 la “The Last Flower”. YMMV.)<\/p>\n
FADE IN:\u00a0<\/p>\n
EXT. HILLSIDE – DAY<\/p>\n
A MAN plants a tree.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Once upon a time, a man planted an apricot tree.<\/p>\n
The man exits.<\/p>\n
TIME-LAPSE: the tree grows and bears fruit.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
And as the years passed, the tree grew up, and it bore fruit.<\/p>\n
The man returns and looks excitedly at the tree.<\/p>\n
He exits.<\/p>\n
A bunch of ANIMALS enter and eat all the fruit.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, all its fruit got consumed by the local wildlife.<\/p>\n
The animals exit.<\/p>\n
The man re-enters wearing a napkin ’round his neck and holding a knife and fork.<\/p>\n
He looks crestfallen.<\/p>\n
While he’s not looking, one last ANIMAL enters, knocks down the tree, and leaves.<\/p>\n
FADE TO:<\/p>\n
EXT. A FENCED ENCLOSURE – DAY<\/p>\n
A rickety, handmade fence surrounds a patch of ground.<\/p>\n
The man plants a new seedling in the center of it.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
So, the man built a fence. And within that fence, he planted a second apricot tree.<\/p>\n
The man exits.<\/p>\n
TIME-LAPSE: the tree grows and bears fruit.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
It, too, grew to fruition.<\/p>\n
The man returns and looks excitedly at the tree.<\/p>\n
He exits.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, it was planted near a major motorway, and was taken out by an errant vehicle.<\/p>\n
A truck, horns blaring, blasts through the fence, knocks down the tree, and drives off.<\/p>\n
The man enters, again wearing a napkin ’round his neck and holding a knife and fork -- and immediately runs off after the departing vehicle.<\/p>\n
FADE TO:<\/p>\n
EXT. HILLSIDE – DAY<\/p>\n
The man plants a new seedling in the ground.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
So, the man found a third plot of land far away from major roads. And in that plot, he planted a third apricot tree...<\/p>\n
The man exits.<\/p>\n
TIME-LAPSE: the tree grows and bears fruit.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
... which bore fruit.<\/p>\n
The man returns and looks excitedly at the tree.<\/p>\n
He exits.<\/p>\n
The WHISTLE of a bomb dropping.<\/p>\n
A large bomb lands on the tree.<\/p>\n
Explosion.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, owing to unforeseeable vagaries of geopolitics, it was bombed into oblivion.<\/p>\n
The man enters, sooty and slightly smoking, wearing a napkin ’round his neck and holding a knife and fork.<\/p>\n
He exits.<\/p>\n
EXT. DISTANT MEADOW – DAY<\/p>\n
The middle of nowhere.<\/p>\n
The man plants a new seedling in the ground.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
So, the man moved far away to a distant meadow. And in that meadow, he planted one last apricot tree.<\/p>\n
The man exits.<\/p>\n
TIME-LAPSE: the tree grows and bears fruit.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
And at last, the fruit was his.<\/p>\n
The man returns, wearing a napkin ’round his neck and holding a knife and fork.<\/p>\n
He grabs an apricot and eats it.<\/p>\n
Suddenly he looks ill.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, he then discovered that he had a fatal allergy to all fruit of the Prunus subgenus, and he died on the spot.<\/p>\n
He drops down dead.<\/p>\n
FADE TO the same hillside, only with a tombstone next to the tree.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
What is the moral of the story? Perhaps it’s “Don’t eat strange fruit.”<\/p>\n
The words “Don’t eat strange fruit.” appear on the tombstone.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Perhaps it’s “Never bother pursuing your dreams.”<\/p>\n
The words “Never bother pursuing your dreams.” appear on the tombstone.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
But in fact, the moral is this: “Storytellers are wankers.”<\/p>\n
The words “Storytellers are wankers.” appear on the tombstone.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
... and they will persist in torturing you just because, as soon as you get what you want, you are no longer useful to the story.<\/p>\n
A SMALL CHILD wanders up to the tree and picks an apricot.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
So the next time you’re having a singularly bad day...<\/p>\n
A BULLY walks up to the kid, punches the kid, and takes his apricot (even though there are a dozen more fruit up on the tree).<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
... consider the possibility that you may be a fictional character.<\/p>\n
The kid casts a worried look at the camera and slumps off.<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
It won’t make you feel better...<\/p>\n
The bully tries a bite of the apricot, grimaces, and throws it away.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, the man emerges halfway from the gravesite as a ZOMBIE (!).<\/p>\n
The zombie notices the bully.<\/p>\n
ZOMBIE<\/p>\n
(cheerfully)<\/p>\n
BRAAAIINNS!<\/p>\n
NARRATOR (V.O.)<\/p>\n
... but you’ll at least know to expect this sort of thing.<\/p>\n
An ATV zooms in out of nowhere, takes out the zombie, and drives off.<\/p>\n
The bully walks off, oblivious.<\/p>\n
FADE OUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “Fun With Agriculture” edition of Sketchwar: “The Apricot Tree”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[77],"class_list":["post-1476","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-fun-with-agriculture"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1476","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1476"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1476\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}