Here’s my take on the “Cold War” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:\u00a0<\/p>\n
INT. POWER-PLANT OFFICE – DAY<\/p>\n
STEVE (40s) sits behind a desk in a boxy, gray office.<\/p>\n
Schematics and photos of nuclear reactors line the walls; a large, friendly advertising poster (“Happy Meadows Nuclear Power... Clean and Affordable Energy”) occupies the most prominent spot.<\/p>\n
A thick-looking gray binder sits on the desk.<\/p>\n
VLAD (30s) knocks and pushes the door open.<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
Vlad!<\/p>\n
Vlad speaks with a clear Russian accent.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
You asked about the cavitation sensor --<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
This isn’t that.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
We replaced its through-line capacitor, and we only need you to sign off --<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
In a second, Vlad.<\/p>\n
Steve gestures towards a seat.<\/p>\n
Vlad sits.<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
As of today, you are officially a level-one nuclear technician!<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
I got the promotion?<\/p>\n
They share a laugh and a handshake.<\/p>\n
Steve dusts off the binder.<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
Just a quick formality and we’ll get you set up.<\/p>\n
Steve reads from the first page.<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
Are you, or have you ever been, a Communist?<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
What?<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
It’s security regulations. Your new post is core-critical, so I have to ask these questions.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
Okay, um, not a Coummunist.<\/p>\n
Steve marks down the answer.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
Why are you asking --<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
These were written in 1958.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
No one updated the security questions in fifty years?<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
They’re nuclear regulations, Vlad.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
Good point.<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
Now: have you ever been in a group or agency bent on undermining western capitalism?<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
(sarcastic)<\/p>\n
Yes, Mother Russia will expand her great Communist Empire to every corner of the --<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
I’m gonna put down “No.”<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
Why don’t you ask if I am in Al Qaeda or something?<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
Oh, that’s the new subsection.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
Ask me those questions.<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
There aren’t any questions, just -- well -- are you Middle Eastern? No.<\/p>\n
He marks that down.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
Was that -- that was a racial profile!<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
Which you passed! Okay, are you or any of your family a Russian national?<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
I’m from Moscow, Steve. Tasha is from St. Petersburg. You know this already.<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
Well, just -- can’t you just say<\/i> you’re from Jersey or something?<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
You know what? No. I won’t. These regs are stupid and insulting. I’m proud to be Russian and, even though I really want the promotion --<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
Hold up, hold up. Okay, we can list you as Russian, if we claim you’re a double agent.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
I will not -- a double agent?<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
We can say that you’re a Russian spy feeding misinformation back to Central Committee.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
That actually sounds kind of cool.<\/p>\n
Steve pulls a microfiche canister out of a cabinet.<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
You just have to send one of these microfiches canisters to Russia every month or so.<\/p>\n
Vlad takes the microfiche, unspools a bit, studies it.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
I can send these to random friends back home.<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
And you can explain to them why they’re getting slightly incorrect schematics of fifty-year-old ordnance on a medium that was end-of-lifed twenty years ago.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
Perhaps more fun if I don’t.<\/p>\n
Steve stands.<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
So. The cavitation sensor?<\/p>\n
Vlad stands.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
It just needs a quick look.<\/p>\n
They go to the door.<\/p>\n
VLAD<\/p>\n
You don’t think I’d really -- y’know...<\/p>\n
STEVE<\/p>\n
Of course not.<\/p>\n
They exit.<\/p>\n
STEVE (O.S.)<\/p>\n
If this plant melts down, it’ll melt down the old-fashioned way: through well-intentioned incompetence.<\/p>\n
VLAD (O.S.)<\/p>\n
Amen.<\/p>\n
FADE OUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “Cold War” edition of Sketchwar: “Very Important Regulations”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[207],"class_list":["post-1454","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-the-cold-war"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1454","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1454"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1454\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1454"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1454"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1454"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}