{"id":143,"date":"2008-11-07T15:35:00","date_gmt":"2008-11-07T23:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=143"},"modified":"2008-11-07T15:35:00","modified_gmt":"2008-11-07T23:35:00","slug":"fsw-reconciliation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/?p=143","title":{"rendered":"FSW: Reconciliation"},"content":{"rendered":"
What a week! California especially has been weird – Obama wins a historic predential election (thankfully!!!! WHOOOOOOHOOOOO), California’s live stock gets breathing room, and California’s gay marriage rights get revoked….go figure. The good news is it ain’t over til the fat lady sings, and the fat ladies life-partner sings harmony.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span> <\/div>\n
There’s lots of reconcilition to be done out there – as historic as Obama’s election is, how the 47.6 percent of US citizens handle it (the ones that like invading countries and buying guns) may be a story unfolding for many years. I’m a happy guy cause my favorite candidate won…that’ll hold me for now.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span> <\/div>\n
Speaking of….reconciliation was our theme for the week. I decided to get a little silly (after hearing an interview with Matt Parker and Trey Stone – creators of South Park – where they said the thing that initially brought them together was a mutual fanatacism for Monty Python). So here’s a very rough stab at a Python sketch inspired by “reconciliation”.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/span> <\/div>\n
No word from Michael or David yet, but <\/span>Richard<\/span><\/a> has <\/span>taken us out of this world <\/span><\/a>for his volley.<\/span><\/div>\n
___________________________________________________________________<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
INT. FIFTIES-STYLE CONFERENCE ROOM<\/p>\n

The room is dark and smoky with light beams streaming from above through the haze. Several men sit around a table, wearing green visors, bow ties, vests, horn rim glasses, and all smoking cigars. The leader, CPA, sits at the head of the table, surrounded by DOUBLE LEDGER, NICKEL, DIME, and RED INK. Each has an old-fashioned adding machine sitting on the conference table in front of them.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Alright boys, this is it – the pieces are in place and we\u2019re about ready to take this joint. Red Ink – report your progress.<\/p>\n

RED INK<\/u><\/strong>
Right Big CPA. I started making small subtractions from the books months ago – a penny there, a dollar here. And I just kept carrying them forward – it would take an average person years to find the errors.<\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Very nice…Nickel, Dime, what have you two been up to?<\/p>\n

NICKEL<\/u><\/strong>
Ohhhhhh….Beeeg CPA, we have been soooooo naughty.<\/p>\n

DIME<\/u><\/strong>
We keep changing what expenses are allowed….<\/p>\n

NICKEL<\/u><\/strong>
And sending undecipherable memos about it to the executives<\/p>\n

DIME<\/u><\/strong>
When they submit expense reports, we randomly select items to approve, and write checks for them…<\/p>\n

NICKEL<\/u><\/strong>
But we don\u2019t say which they are…so the executives won\u2019t deposit those checks until they figure it out.<\/p>\n

DIME<\/u><\/strong>
Which they never will!!!!<\/p>\n

NICKEL AND DIME<\/u><\/strong>
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!<\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Diabolical boys. Double Ledger, what have you got?<\/p>\n

DOUBLE LEDGER<\/u><\/strong>
I invented this special carbon paper. It automatically misaligns to any ledger you set it on. Every time someone makes an entry in the books, it moves it one line down in carbon copy, so all the entries are confusing and make no sense! And only I have the master ledger!!!<\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Excellent work DL! I\u2019ve been explaining our quarterly taxes to the boys upstairs using made up words – like \u201cacrumulation\u201d and \u201cficundosity\u201d – just to confuse them. The words mean nothing, but sound official, so none of the execs have any idea what our real financial situation is.<\/p>\n

NICKEL<\/u><\/strong>
Nice one…<\/p>\n

DIME<\/u><\/strong>
Boss!<\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
In short boys, we\u2019ve made accounting unbelievably illegible and complex around here…so the Staplelite corporation ever wants its books straightened out it will have to put us, the Axis of Accounts, in charge!<\/p>\n

RED INK<\/u><\/strong>
At last!!! The accountants will run things! We won\u2019t be the corporate weenies anymore!<\/p>\n

BIG CPA stands up and places his hand on the return pull handle of the adding machine in front of him. The others follow suit.
<\/span><\/em>
BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Gentlemen…..I give you the Axis…
(He pulls the handle twice….ca-chink, ca-chink)<\/span><\/em>
Of Accountants!!!!<\/p>\n

ALL<\/u><\/strong>
THE AXIS…
(ca-chink, ca-chink)<\/span><\/em>
OF ACCOUNTANTS!!!<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER (O.S.)
<\/u><\/strong>I wouldn\u2019t count your profits before you tallied your accounts receivable if I were you.<\/p>\n

DOUBLE LEDGER<\/u><\/strong>
Jiggers! It\u2019s The Reconciler!!!<\/p>\n

The Reconciler, a man in a black eyes mask like the Lone Ranger, wearing a blue suit and stylish fedora steps out from the shadows.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
That\u2019s right Double Ledger, and it\u2019s time I liquidated your assets!!!<\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Nickel, Dime…get him!<\/p>\n

N<\/span>ICKEL and DIME jump up and start circling THE RECONCILER, brandishing sharpened pencils at him. RECONCILER looks at them for a moment, then pulls out a slide rule. They duel furiously, and the RECONCILER loses his slide rule, then catches NICKEL and DIMES pencils, one in each hand, as they lunge at him. With his thumbs, he breaks the tips off their pencils. NICKEL and DIME stare in disbelief as THE RECONCILER wraps them up with a roll of adding machine paper.<\/span><\/p>\n

RED INK jumps into the fray.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

RED INK<\/u><\/strong>
Stay back Reconciler! Or you\u2019ll end up….
(pulls a bottle of red ink out of his pocket)<\/em>
<\/span>…in the red!!!!<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
Do your worst, Red Ink!<\/p>\n

RED INK splashes ink from his bottle all over THE RECONCILER, but it does nothing.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

RED INK<\/u><\/strong>
It…..it can\u2019t be!!!<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
My suit is colored with the ink from a thousand leaking bic sticks! Your red ink will have no effect!<\/p>\n

RED INK<\/u><\/strong>
No!!!! No!!!! It can\u2019t be! Red ink affects eveyone!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!<\/p>\n

RED INK slumps gibbering into the corner.<\/em>
<\/span>
BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Double Ledger – hit him with your books!!!<\/p>\n

DOUBLE LEDGER<\/u><\/strong>
I\u2019m an accountant….I\u2019ve never been the physical type.<\/p>\n

DOUBLE LEDGER throws himself out the conference room window.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

THE
\n RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
It\u2019s just you and me now, Big CPA.<\/p>\n

BIG CPA pulls some papers out from under the table<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Wrong Masked Mathematician! It\u2019s you, me, and your tax return from last year!<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
How….how did you get that?<\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Let\u2019s see….looks like someone took an awfully big deduction for entertainment expenses last year.<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
That\u2019s completely legal – I threw a party thanking the Justice League for letting me to do their taxes. It was a way of getting repeat business which is allowed under 1956 tax law.<\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Well then, how do you explain this deduction for your super car – the Add-illac?<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
It counts as a government vehicle, since I fight for truth, justice and tax law. Therefore I can write off the entire cost of the vehicle in the year I buy it.<\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Ahh, but you deducted operating expenses too…that deduction was disallowed in the section 405 amendment!<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILE<\/u><\/strong>
Interesting….you must have learned that in a seminar last year, huh?<\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Seminar? I haven\u2019t been to a tax seminar in decades!!!! I just read the IRS updates!<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
That\u2019s what I thought…and that means you\u2019re no longer a CPA!<\/p>\n

BIG CPA<\/u><\/strong>
Nooooooo!!!!!! It can\u2019t be!!!!<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
The state requires 10 education hours for each CPA every year, and you haven\u2019t got them! By the authority granted me by the state of Ohio, I revoke your certification…you\u2019re powerless!<\/p>\n

The doors open, several old-style police officers rush in, as well as Martin Palmer, CEO.<\/em><\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
Take them away boys…and be sure to throw their doctored books at them.<\/p>\n

MARTIN<\/u><\/strong>
Good work Reconciler. How can the Staplelite corporation ever thank you?<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
You\u2019re a CEO Martin, you should never have to thank an accountant. But know that I\u2019ll be out there, searching for better ledger systems, trying to find tools that make it easier for idiots to math, looking for automated self contained systems that do accounting accurately and quickly without socially awkward introverts being involved in the process. And I won\u2019t rest until accountancy is something anyone can do easily, anytime, anywhere, any place!<\/span><\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER starts to head out.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

MARTIN<\/u><\/strong>
Uhhh…Reconciler?<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
Yes Martin?<\/p>\n

MARTIN<\/u><\/strong>
My books still need cleaning up….you weren\u2019t going to walk off and just leave them with errors were you?<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
No Martin, I just figured I\u2019d wait until Monday too…<\/p>\n

MARTIN<\/u><\/strong>
Did you have plans over the weekend?<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
Well, no…Wonder Woman is having this party though…<\/p>\n

MARTIN<\/u><\/strong>
Did she invite you?<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
Ummm….no, not verbally or in a written invite but I think….<\/p>\n

MARTIN<\/u><\/strong>
Oh good, then you\u2019re free. Why don\u2019t you get started then, and maybe you\u2019ll be finished in time to crash the party you weren\u2019t invited to. I\u2019ve got a golf game to get to.<\/p>\n

THE RECONCILER<\/u><\/strong>
Ummmm….sure Martin. Whatever you say.<\/p>\n

MARTIN<\/u><\/strong>
You\u2019re a life save Reconciler!<\/p>\n

BLACK OUT<\/strong><\/em><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What a week! California especially has been weird – Obama wins a historic predential election (thankfully!!!! WHOOOOOOHOOOOO), California’s live stock gets breathing room, and California’s gay marriage rights get revoked….go figure. The good news is it ain’t over til the fat lady sings, and the fat ladies life-partner sings harmony. There’s lots of reconcilition to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[73,76,161],"class_list":["post-143","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-friday-sketch-war","tag-fsw","tag-reconciliation"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/143","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=143"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/143\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=143"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=143"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=143"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}