Here’s my take on the “This Is Not My Beautiful House” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:\u00a0<\/p>\n
EXT. GEORGE’S HOUSE – DAY<\/p>\n
GEORGE parks his car in front of his house on a sunny summer day.<\/p>\n
He gets out and walks up to the front door, absently reading something on his phone.<\/p>\n
He unlocks the front door.<\/p>\n
He tries to open it.<\/p>\n
Nothing happens.<\/p>\n
He puts away his phone and pulls harder on the door.<\/p>\n
Nothing happens.<\/p>\n
He pulls really, really hard on the door.<\/p>\n
Nothing happens.<\/p>\n
He tries pushing on the door.<\/p>\n
The door opens easily.<\/p>\n
George, looking perplexed, walks through the door into --<\/p>\n
INT. GEORGE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY<\/p>\n
The front door opens into a nice-looking living room.<\/p>\n
On the left side of the front door, a decorative bowl sits on an end table.<\/p>\n
One of the walls has a large window with a set of curtains (closed).<\/p>\n
George eyes the room uneasily.<\/p>\n
He absently takes out his wallet and keys and tosses them to the right<\/i> of the door.<\/p>\n
They land on the floor. Thunk.<\/p>\n
George notices this. Looks around. Is surprised to see the endtable and bowl on the left<\/i> side of the door.<\/p>\n
He picks up the wallet and keys and places them in the bowl, still uneasy.<\/p>\n
He crosses to the window and throws open the curtains, revealing --<\/p>\n
A vista of high, snowy mountains that could in no way match what was just outside.<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
What the hell is going on?!<\/p>\n
A deep, booming voice speaks out from nowhere in particular.<\/p>\n
ALIENS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
George Anderson!<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
That’s me.<\/p>\n
ALIENS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
We are a vast and mighty alien intelligence, and have chosen you, George Anderson, for our study of human behavior.<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
Um... okay.<\/p>\n
ALIENS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
You will spend three days in this perfect simulacrum of your conventional American home.<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
Oh.<\/p>\n
ALIENS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
If there is anything amiss in our recreation of your residence, let us know.<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
The front door should be a pull.<\/p>\n
ALIENS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Okay.<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
The end table is supposed to be on the other side.<\/p>\n
ALIENS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Got it.<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
The, uh, bedroom is supposed to be full of naked supermodels --<\/p>\n
ALIENS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
That third one is a lie!<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
Oh, no -- that was a joke.<\/p>\n
ALIENS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
For your insolence, George Anderson, your home shall be filled with ferrets!<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
Nooooo!<\/p>\n
OVER BLACK<\/p>\n
TEXT: “Remember, kids: don’t lie to the aliens, or they will fill your house with ferrets.”<\/p>\n
Various ferret, scuttering noises.<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
Good god, they’re everywhere!<\/p>\n
ALIENS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
You got yourself into this.<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
Gah! There’s one in my pants leg!<\/p>\n
ALIENS (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Well, that’s what you get.<\/p>\n
GEORGE<\/p>\n
I am in hell!<\/p>\n
FADE TO BLACK.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “This Is Not My Beautiful House” edition of Sketchwar: “Ferrets”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[213],"class_list":["post-1387","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-this-in-not-my-beautiful-house"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1387","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1387"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1387\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1387"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1387"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1387"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}