Of late, I’ve been feeling dry and uninspired (wonder if there’s an ointment for that). Anyway, I know this isn’t the best thing next to double stuffed oreo cookies, but its the first sketch in a while that I didn’t have to strap myself to the keyboard to write. I really didn’t know how to approach the topic this week. Since I barely understand the Madoff’s Ponzi scheme, I thought that it would be fun to see how kids might look at it. Eh. Or not. In any case, I had fun writing this.<\/p>\n
INT. GIRL’S BEDROOM – DAY<\/p>\n
A group of 10-year-old BOYS and GIRLS congregate in an obviously girlish bedroom. SUZY stands in the middle of the room draped in an adult-sized power pantsuit and pearls. JOHNNY and LISA stand around waiting for something to happen while BILLY, wearing an adult-sized grey button down shirt – complete with rolled up sleeves, tie, and a Wolverine battle claw – jumps up and down on the bed.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
What are we doing, again?<\/p>\n
Billy plops down on the bed.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
We’re playing house. I’m Ruth and you’re Bernie Madoff<\/p>\n
JOHNNY<\/p>\n
Who are they?<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
Daddy said they’re bad people.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
They gave money to Fonzi.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
Lisa, you’re the Subscurities Change Agent.<\/p>\n
JOHNNY<\/p>\n
Who am I?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
(guiding Johnny toward the bed)<\/p>\n
Here. You sit next to Billy. You\u2019re a gardener. You sell hedges to people. You have ten cars, two houses and five trillion dollars.<\/p>\n
As he sits down next to Billy, Suzy hands Johnny a wad of Monopoly money.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
So, what am I doing?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
You’re talking to Johnny. You’re trying to get him to give you money to give to Fonzi.<\/p>\n
Billy turns to Johnny who is now sitting on the bed.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
Will you give me money to give to Fonzi?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
No, you have to be sneakier than that.<\/p>\n
Billy turns back to Johnny and hunches over. He glances around sneakily.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
(whispering)<\/p>\n
Will you give me money to give to Fonzi?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
No! Argh!<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
What do you mean, then?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
You can’t just ask him for the money to give to Fonzi. You have to say it’s for something else.<\/p>\n
Billy turns to Johnny.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
Johnny, will you give me money? Fonzi needs an operation.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
No, no, no.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
This is stupid!<\/p>\n
JOHNNY<\/p>\n
Yeah, can’t we play Battleship or something?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
No, okay. So, Billy, you tell Johnny that, if he gives you money for Fonzi, then you’ll give him something.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
What should I give ’em?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
What do you have?<\/p>\n
Billy pulls out his pockets.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
Nothin’. Just a piece of gum and a cracker.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
That’s about right.<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
What about me? What do I do?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
Okay, you wait until Johnny hands over the money. Then, you bust down the door.<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
Because Billy is stealing Johnny’s money, stupid.<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
Shouldn’t I be a police officer, then?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
No, it’s not that kind of crime.<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
What kind of crime is it?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
Daddy calls it a white collar crime.<\/p>\n
JOHNNY<\/p>\n
What’s a white collar crime?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
I dunno. I guess the guys have white collars?<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
Then shouldn’t I have a white collar, too? My shirt’s grey.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
Here.<\/p>\n
Suzy walks over to the night table, grabs several white tissues from the Kleenex box, and stuffs them in Billy’s collar.<\/p>\n
JOHNNY<\/p>\n
What about me? I got a blue a collar.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
That’s okay. My daddy says white collar people steal from blue collar people all the time.<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
Are we going to play or what? I have to be home soon.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
(sighs)<\/p>\n
Alright.<\/p>\n
Lisa walks out of the room and closes the door. Billy and Johnny get set up on the bed. Suzy sits in a chair off to the side.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
Johnny, you need to give me your money. If you give me your money, I’ll give you my last stick of gum and a cracker. Deal?<\/p>\n
JOHNNY<\/p>\n
Okay. It\u2019s a deal.<\/p>\n
They shake hands. Johnny hands over the wad of Monopoly money to Billy. Billy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a clump of Hubba Bubba.<\/p>\n
Suddenly, Lisa kicks open the door which promptly recoils and smashes her in the forehead.<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
Ow!<\/p>\n
She rubs her forehead and slowly opens the door. She makes a gun with her hand, runs in the room, and points it at Billy.<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
Freeze, Bernie!<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
It’s the Subscurities Change Officer! What are you doing here?<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
You’re under arrest!<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
Oh yeah?!<\/p>\n
Billy makes a gun with his hand and points it at Lisa.<\/p>\n
JOHNNY<\/p>\n
Oh yeah?!<\/p>\n
Johnny makes a gun with his hand and points it at Billy.<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
I’m warning you. Don’t move. Or I’ll shoot.<\/p>\n
All smile and suddenly start making gunshot noises, shooting their finger guns at one another. They run around the room, hiding behind various objects.<\/p>\n
Suzy gets up from her chair and runs into the middle of the room obviously upset.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
No! That’s not what’s supposed to happen!<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
(to Lisa)<\/p>\n
Hey! I got you! You’re supposed to be dead.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
Come on guys!<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
(to Billy)<\/p>\n
No, I’m not. I have an invisible forcefield around me. Schwa!<\/p>\n
Lisa motions with a sweeping hand gesture as if she was putting up a forcefield.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
(to Lisa)<\/p>\n
Oh yeah?! Well, I have my Wolverine electronic battle claw.<\/p>\n
Billy holds up the claw and pretends he’s deflecting bullets.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
Ting. Ting.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
(yelling over everyone)<\/p>\n
You can’t use guns!<\/p>\n
JOHNNY<\/p>\n
Well, what are we supposed to do?<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
You’re just supposed to handcuff Billy and walk him out the door.<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
Well, that’s no fun.<\/p>\n
JOHNNY<\/p>\n
Yeah.<\/p>\n
BILLY<\/p>\n
Hey, wait a minute. What are you supposed to be doing?<\/p>\n
JOHNNY<\/p>\n
Yeah, you’re just sitting there.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
I told you. I’m Ruth Madoff.<\/p>\n
LISA<\/p>\n
But you’re not doing anything.<\/p>\n
SUZY<\/p>\n
Exactly.<\/p>\n
BLACKOUT:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Of late, I’ve been feeling dry and uninspired (wonder if there’s an ointment for that). Anyway, I know this isn’t the best thing next to double stuffed oreo cookies, but its the first sketch in a while that I didn’t have to strap myself to the keyboard to write. I really didn’t know how to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[29,117,170,213],"class_list":["post-1383","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-bernie-madoff","tag-kids","tag-ruth-madoff","tag-this-in-not-my-beautiful-house"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1383","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1383"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1383\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1383"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1383"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1383"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}