Here’s my take on the “Fish Out of Water” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:\u00a0<\/p>\n
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT<\/p>\n
In a 70s suburban basement, three teenagers -- PAUL, DAVE, and ANDY -- play D&D with a fourth UNSEEN FIGURE.<\/p>\n
PAUL<\/p>\n
Okay, um -- Ragnor the thief has successfully uncharmed the vault door, and Abernathy pulls on it with his manly arms.<\/p>\n
DAVE<\/p>\n
Uh-huh?<\/p>\n
PAUL<\/p>\n
It creaks open --<\/p>\n
ANDY<\/p>\n
I want to search for --<\/p>\n
PAUL<\/p>\n
Wait, no -- three orcs come rushing out!<\/p>\n
DAVE<\/p>\n
Oh, man!<\/p>\n
Paul hands some dice to the unseen figure.<\/p>\n
PAUL<\/p>\n
Okay, Hilter -- roll for initiative.<\/p>\n
Yes, the unseen figure is Hitler, ca. 1943, in uniform, even.<\/p>\n
HITLER<\/p>\n
Die Aufnahmef\u00e4higkeit der gro\u00dfen Masse ist nur sehr beschr\u00e4nkt!<\/p>\n
PAUL<\/p>\n
Yes, yes, you still get plus two from the enchanted amulet.<\/p>\n
CUT TO BRIEF STATIC.<\/p>\n
INT. MONSTER TRUCK RALLY – NIGHT<\/p>\n
CLEL, JED, and CLETUS (stereotypical rednecks) sit in the bleaches at a monster truck rally.<\/p>\n
Next to them sits NOEL COWARD, who wears an Edwardian tux, top hat, and monocle.<\/p>\n
JETHRO arrives.<\/p>\n
CLETUS<\/p>\n
Jethro! Welcome to the Hoosierdrome bi-annual monster truck rally!<\/p>\n
JETHRO<\/p>\n
Thanks.<\/p>\n
CLETUS<\/p>\n
This is Jed, Clel, and, of course, Noel Coward.<\/p>\n
NOEL COWARD<\/p>\n
Delighted as always, dear boy.<\/p>\n
JETHRO<\/p>\n
I ain’t sittin’ by him! He always smells funny.<\/p>\n
NOEL COWARD<\/p>\n
No need for rudeness, chum, unless we’re around the French.<\/p>\n
CUT TO BRIEF STATIC.<\/p>\n
INT. SOAP-OPERA LIVING ROOM – DAY<\/p>\n
BLAKE (late 30s, suit, eye patch) bursts into a well-appointed living room.<\/p>\n
He sees before him: a heavily made-up SAMANTHA, embracing a small, boxy REPAIRBOT.<\/p>\n
HUNK<\/p>\n
Samantha! I knew it!<\/p>\n
REPAIRBOT<\/p>\n
(classic robot monotone)<\/p>\n
It is not as it appears.<\/p>\n
SAMANTHA<\/p>\n
I couldn’t stand it, Blake! The way you neglected me! I needed a real man!<\/p>\n
REPAIRBOT<\/p>\n
Repairbot is not a real man.<\/p>\n
BLAKE<\/p>\n
Repairbot! I thought you loved me!<\/p>\n
REPAIRBOT<\/p>\n
Repairbot does not love. Repairbot only makes repairs.<\/p>\n
SAMANTHA<\/p>\n
He’s with me now, Blake!<\/p>\n
REPAIRBOT<\/p>\n
Will anyone ever tell Repairbot where the malfunctioning A\/C unit is?<\/p>\n
CUT TO BRIEF STATIC.<\/p>\n
INT. WRITERS’ ROOM – DAY<\/p>\n
Two WRITERS stand beside a small flip chart in a plain office with a closed door.<\/p>\n
The front page lists three items:<\/p>\n
* Hitler playing D&D<\/p>\n
* Noel Coward at a monster truck rally<\/p>\n
* Repair robot on a soap opera<\/p>\n
Two EXECUTIVES look askance at the list.<\/p>\n
EXECUTIVE #1<\/p>\n
Not loving this.<\/p>\n
EXECUTIVE #2<\/p>\n
See, when we said we wanted ‘a fish out of water,’ we meant it a little more literally.<\/p>\n
WRITER #1<\/p>\n
Like -- a fish at the fish market?<\/p>\n
WRITER #2<\/p>\n
Or a beached whale?<\/p>\n
EXECUTIVE #1<\/p>\n
Ha! No, no, no.<\/p>\n
EXECUTIVE #2<\/p>\n
We meant a magical fish! A fish that doesn’t need water! and flies through space!<\/p>\n
The door opens.<\/p>\n
A large, floating fish (SPACEFISH) comes in.<\/p>\n
SPACEFISH<\/p>\n
You called?<\/p>\n
The executives are aglow with excitement.<\/p>\n
EXECUTIVES<\/p>\n
Spacefish!<\/p>\n
The fish begins singing to the camera.<\/p>\n
SPACEFISH<\/p>\n
Spacefish! Spacefish!<\/p>\n
SERIES OF SHOTS:\u00a0<\/p>\n
A) Spacefish looks on as Kennedy’s fatal motorcade passes through Dallas.<\/p>\n
B) Spacefish faces down a medieval knight.<\/p>\n
C) Spacefish is held in a UFO tractor beam.<\/p>\n
D) Spacefish flees from armed banditos in the Old West.<\/p>\n
As we optical-wipe from one shot to the next, Spacefish streaks across the screen, Starship-Enterprese-style.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, the singing continues:<\/p>\n
SPACEFISH (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Spacefish, creature of mystery. \/ Spacefish, going through history. \/ A magical fish that can fly on a wish through the air! through the air! \/ He’s! Space! Fish!<\/p>\n
One last streak across the screen.<\/p>\n
FREEZE FRAME on the fish.<\/p>\n
FADE TO BLACK.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “Fish Out of Water” edition of Sketchwar: “The Fish”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1378","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1378","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1378"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1378\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1378"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1378"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1378"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}