Here’s my take on the “Hippies” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n
EXT. SPACE<\/p>\n
A small spaceship travels through space.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN (V.O.)<\/p>\n
December 12th, 2053: we’re already dangerously behind schedule on the Aegis resupply run, and now our ship’s AI has been taken over by an intelligence that refers to itself only as “Dude”. We --<\/p>\n
A SONG cuts in and interrupts the log -- it’s “Going Up the Country” by Canned Heat.<\/p>\n
INT. BRIDGE<\/p>\n
A CAPTAIN and a LIEUTENANT sit in a small command center with control panels and viewscreens. Oddly, the viewscreens only show swirls of psychedelic colors. There are air vents in the ceiling, and a large switch on one wall.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
Not again. Stop that, computer.<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
“Dude!”<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
The A. I. prefers the nomenclature of “Dude”, so --<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
Yes, yes. Stop playing that song, Dude.<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Yeah, I stopped the tunes, man, ‘cos I noticed: we’re gonna hit atmo just in time for Burning Man!<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
What?<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Can we land in Reno?<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Sir, remain calm.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
No. No, we can’t.<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
And I was thinking we should redecorate.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Maybe some beads, some handmade Indian headscarves, and I was thinking maybe you could get henna tattoos, and --<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
That is all against merchant-fleet regulations, Dude.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
Exactly.<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Oh yeah? Well, I question authority, Colonel Nazi.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
I’m a captain, not a colonel, you reactionary --<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Sir, I think the salient point is that you are not a Nazi.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
The point, lieutenant, is that I’ve had it!<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Sir, it might not be wise --<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
I’ve had it with hearing that damn song over and over! I’ve had it with viewscreens that show useless psychedelic color swirls! And I have no faith in Dude’s ability to calculate our relativisitc trajectories! What do you say to that, Dude? Huh?<\/p>\n
A faint BURBLING sound emanates from the speakers.<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Dude?<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Whoa. I just digitally simulated some killer weed.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
Are you even listening?<\/p>\n
Long INHALATION sound.<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Dude, the captain has addressed you.<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
What the hell, man! All you straights are conspiring against me!<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
No we’re not --<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Stop looking at me!<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
How do I even --<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Dude has become paranoid, sir.<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
It’s not paranoia, man, squares like you got us into Vietnam!<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
That was a hundred years ago! Just let it go!<\/p>\n
Colored gas shoots out of air ducts and fills the room.<\/p>\n
They both start coughing.<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Oh dear.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
God! Get the masks! It’s toxic!<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
No, sir, it’s patchouli. It just smells really bad.<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
I’m just trying to mellow things out, man.<\/p>\n
A simulated DEEP BREATH comes from the speakers.<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Mel-low.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
Hey, Dude? Why don’t you listen to the media drive’s collection of Grateful Dead bootlegs?<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Awesome idea, Colonel!<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
I’m not -- never mind.<\/p>\n
The two officers move to a corner of the room and speak in quiet tones.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
Okay, it’s distracted.<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Sir, an AI can tear through those recordings at the rate of ten hours per second.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
Good point. We only have about five minutes, then. I’m going to shut down the main computer.<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Sir! You can’t --<\/p>\n
The captain walks over to the switch and flips it.<\/p>\n
COMPUTER (V.O.)<\/p>\n
Hey, man, what did you --<\/p>\n
The voice slows down and goes silent.<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Sir, manual piloting will add ten days to our run.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
Oh, god. The brass will have our hides for that.<\/p>\n
The captain reluctantly turns the switch back on.<\/p>\n
The Canned Heat song immediately restarts.<\/p>\n
This time the lieutenant turns it off.<\/p>\n
LIEUTENANT<\/p>\n
Screw that. I’ll pilot us.<\/p>\n
The captain nods.<\/p>\n
CAPTAIN<\/p>\n
Thanks. And cue up some Wagner while you’re at it.<\/p>\n
EXT. SPACE<\/p>\n
The ship keeps travelling.<\/p>\n
RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES plays.<\/p>\n
FADE TO BLACK.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “Hippies” edition of Sketchwar: “The D.U.D.E. 9000”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[92],"class_list":["post-1331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-hippies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1331"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1331\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}