Okay, crazy-man Michael is taking this no Internet (other than email, because, well, c’mon<\/i>!) thing seriously. He didn’t post his sketch on his own blog tonight; he emailed it to me.<\/p>\n
So, without further ado, here’s Michael’s sketch for this week:<\/p>\n
Reap the Whirlwind<\/b>
(The burned out remains of a once beautiful home. Matt and Erin stand, holding each other, staring at the carnage.)<\/p>\n
Erin: I still can\u2019t believe it.<\/p>\n
Matt: Our whole lives.<\/p>\n
Erin: It all happened so fast.<\/p>\n
Matt: All my trophies.<\/p>\n
Erin: Our wedding album.<\/p>\n
Matt: The plasma TV.<\/p>\n
Erin: My mother\u2019s ashes.<\/p>\n
Matt: Well, those are probably all right.<\/p>\n
Erin: You think? Oh, honey, what are we going to do?<\/p>\n
(Matt gives her a hug.)<\/p>\n
Matt: It\u2019s going to be all right.<\/p>\n
Erin: The only think keeping me from completely freaking out is the knowledge that we have insurance. At least we\u2019ll be able to build a new home.<\/p>\n
Matt: Well…<\/p>\n
Erin: What?<\/p>\n
Matt: About the insurance…<\/p>\n
Erin: Don\u2019t tell me you forgot to pay the bill. Matthew Christopher Glover, I swear to Christ, I will-<\/p>\n
Matt: I paid it. I paid it.<\/p>\n
Erin: What then?<\/p>\n
Matt: I sort of sold it to Stan.<\/p>\n
Erin: You what?<\/p>\n
Matt: You remember when he came over all upset because he\u2019d just found out Kathy has ovarian cancer?<\/p>\n
Erin: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Matt: And how, since they didn\u2019t have insurance they were going to have to sell everything just to pay for the treatments?<\/p>\n
Erin: Yeah.<\/p>\n
Matt: Well, I sort of sold him the right to our homeowner\u2019s insurance.<\/p>\n
Erin: You what?<\/p>\n
Matt: I never thought our house would burn down!<\/p>\n
Erin: How much did you sell it for?<\/p>\n
Matt: That\u2019s the beauty part. I got 10% interest on it.<\/p>\n
Erin: So he paid you money, betting that the house might burn down and then he\u2019d get to collect the insurance?<\/p>\n
Matt: Not just him, either. Once I realized that people were willing to buy a policy against our policy I sold one to just about every guy at the office.<\/p>\n
Erin: That\u2019s the dumbest idea I\u2019ve ever heard.<\/p>\n
Matt: Wait, it\u2019s gets better. Baby, I had fourteen different guys paying me $100 a month. Do the math. That\u2019s extra money in our pockets.<\/p>\n
Erin: How long have you been doing this?<\/p>\n
Matt: Almost two whole years! That\u2019s $36,000.<\/p>\n
Erin: And where\u2019s that money now?<\/p>\n
Matt: Well, it paid for the new TV. And the new cabinets. Our trip to Branson.<\/p>\n
Erin: And how much was the policy worth?<\/p>\n
Matt: Pays out one million dollars.<\/p>\n
(She just stares at him.)<\/p>\n
Matt: What?<\/p>\n
Erin: Do the math, asshole! That\u2019s 14 million dollars we have to pay out!<\/p>\n
Matt: Oh. (It really sinks in.) OH!<\/p>\n
(Just then a car pulls up outside. Stan walks over.)<\/p>\n
Stan: Oh my god, I\u2019m so sorry you guys.<\/p>\n
Matt: Hey, Stan.<\/p>\n
Stan: I heard the sirens and saw them turn down your street and I hoped…I mean…I\u2019m so sorry you guys.<\/p>\n
(Another car pulls up. Ernie gets out.)<\/p>\n
Matt: Hey, Ernie, what are you doing here?<\/p>\n
Ernie: Stan called and told me the news. I can\u2019t believe it.<\/p>\n
Matt: Yeah, it\u2019s all gone.<\/p>\n
Ernie: What an incredible return on an investment. I mean, my wife was pretty mad when she found out I was giving you $100 a month, but after tonight I am out of the dog house!<\/p>\n
(Another car pulls up. Jerry gets out, he\u2019s got an open beer in his hands.)<\/p>\n
Jerry: Jackpot!<\/p>\n
Stan: Listen, man, not to be a douche or anything, but when do you think the claims adjuster is going to be out?<\/p>\n
Matt: We put a call into our guy, he said he\u2019d be right over.<\/p>\n
Erin: Listen you guys, I don\u2019t know what Matt promised you.<\/p>\n
Ernie: We have contracts.<\/p>\n
(They all pull out official looking documents.)<\/p>\n
Erin: Be that as it may, there\u2019s no way we can pay each of you one million dollars.<\/p>\n
Jerry: Come on, man, I need that money. I took out a loan against this insurance so I could buy my buddy Val\u2019s life insurance policy. He a marathoner. It\u2019ll be years before I see any of that dough.<\/p>\n
Ernie: Yeah, I\u2019ve gotta pay off the guys who just installed the swimming pool in our bedroom.<\/p>\n
Matt: You put a swimming pool in your bedroom?<\/p>\n
Ernie: Our mortgage guy thought it would increase the value. Plus, he bet me $500 that they couldn\u2019t do it because it was on the second floor. Sucker.<\/p>\n
Erin: I\u2019m sorry. But there\u2019s no money. But, once our insurance guy gets here, we\u2019ll settle up with him and they we\u2019ll happily give you your money back.<\/p>\n
Stan: I don\u2019t know. I was counting on that million.<\/p>\n
Jerry: Me too.<\/p>\n
Erin: Hey, something\u2019s better than nothing though. Right?<\/p>\n
(They all murmur and mumble and basically agree. Just then Perry Paul peddles up on his bike. He is a rather large man and very out of shape.)<\/p>\n
Perry: (Winded) Sorry…I wasn\u2019t…here….sooner…Cutbacks forced me….to give up…company car…I\u2019m Perry Paul. How can AIG help you today?<\/p>\n
BLACKOUT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Okay, crazy-man Michael is taking this no Internet (other than email, because, well, c’mon!) thing seriously. He didn’t post his sketch on his own blog tonight; he emailed it to me. So, without further ado, here’s Michael’s sketch for this week: Reap the Whirlwind(The burned out remains of a once beautiful home. Matt and Erin […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[99,182],"class_list":["post-129","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-humor","tag-sketch-war"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/129","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=129"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/129\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=129"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=129"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=129"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}