(GRUFF 70s COP and DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP are chasing down a suspect on foot.)<\/i><\/p>\n
GRUFF 70s COP<\/b> (panting)<\/i>
We won\u2019t catch him unless we split up. You go down the alley, past the pet rock store. I\u2019ll head toward the Naugahyde factory. We\u2019ll meet at the payphone on Plaid Street and Paisley Way.<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
The what-phone?<\/p>\n
GRUFF 70s COP<\/b>
Payphone! You put a dime in it, you make a call!<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
Like a land-line?<\/p>\n
GRUFF 70s COP<\/b>
What the hell are you talking about, \u201cland-line\u201d?<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
I mean \u2013 whoops!<\/p>\n
(DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP has suddenly fallen out of the shot. GRUFF 70s COP turns around.)<\/i><\/p>\n
GRUFF 70s COP<\/b>
What now?<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
My shoe flew off! These 70s loafers are useless to me! I need a pair of Reebok Pumps!<\/p>\n
GRUFF 70s COP<\/b>
What-bok whats?<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
You know, Reebok Pumps! The sneakers with the built-in air pump, for support, protection, and a custom fit!<\/p>\n
GRUFF 70s COP<\/b>
You\u2019re dreamin\u2019, rookie. There\u2019s no such shoe!<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
What?? It\u2019s the greatest sports performance shoe in the world! They\u2019ve been around since nineteen-eighty-nine, and … Oh. Oh, no no no …<\/p>\n
(DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP buries his face in his hands and weeps.)<\/i><\/p>\n
\u2022 \u2022 \u2022<\/p>\n
GRUFF 70s COP<\/b>
If you don\u2019t crack this case, kid, you\u2019ll never be anything more than Agnew to my Nixon.<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
Don\u2019t you mean Cheney to your Bush?<\/p>\n
GRUFF 70s COP<\/b>
No one is getting chained to a bush!<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
Wait a minute!
(He analyzes the evidence \u2013 a small, bloodstained square of shag carpeting \u2013 and is struck with an epiphany.)<\/i>
I see it all now, clear as Crystal Pepsi!<\/p>\n
GRUFF 70s COP<\/b>
Clear as what?<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
Oh my lord I AM LIVING A NIGHTMARE!<\/p>\n
(He tries to kick over a water cooler but misses, and his shoe flies off his foot, landing in GRUFF 70s COP<\/b>\u2019s coffee mug.)<\/i><\/p>\n
\u2022 \u2022 \u2022<\/p>\n
(DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP is at a romantic dinner with SEXY 70s LADY COP.)<\/i><\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
You know, Linda, I think I\u2019m beginning to like it now. I mean, \u201clike it here.\u201d As long as you\u2019re by my side, I can live through any era of our country\u2019s history.<\/p>\n
SEXY 70s LADY COP<\/b>
That\u2019s a very sweet and odd thing to say.<\/p>\n
(A WAITER enters and serves them a cheese fondue tray.)<\/i><\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
In fact, I have something to ask you.<\/p>\n
(DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP plunges a fork into the melted cheese and pulls out a dripping object. With some difficulty, he uses a napkin to scrape the hot cheese away, eventually revealing a diamond ring. To cool it off, he pours a little Chablis on it.)<\/i><\/p>\n
SEXY 70s LADY COP<\/b> (tears welling up)<\/i>
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b> (kneeling)<\/i>
When I\u2019m with you, Linda, I feel I can burst into song at any minute.
(He begins singing, softly and romantically.)<\/i>
\u201cI can see a new horizon,
Underneath the blazin’ sky.
I’ll be where the eagle\u2019s_ flyin\u2019,
Higher and higher…\u201d<\/p>\n
SEXY 70s LADY COP<\/b> (grimacing slightly)<\/i>
What are you … Oh, my …<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b> (singing)<\/i>
\u201cGonna be your man in motion.
All I need is a pair of wheels.
Take me where my future’s lyin\u2019,
St. Elmo\u2019s Fire…\u201d<\/p>\n
(SEXY 70s LADY COP is writhing on the floor, her hands pressed frantically over her ears.)<\/i><\/p>\n
SEXY 70s LADY COP<\/b>
Stop! Stop making that noise, you monster!<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b> (panicking)<\/i>
What was I thinking? Your ears are not ready for this music! Not without experiencing everything that happens between now and 1985!<\/p>\n
SEXY 70s LADY COP<\/b>
Oh, the dissonance! What pit of hell spewed forth that crushing cacophony!<\/p>\n
DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP<\/b>
\u201cLove Will Keep Us Together!\u201d \u201cJessie\u2019s Girl!\u201d \u201cDo That To Me One More Time!\u201d So many steps you haven\u2019t had the chance to take!<\/p>\n
SEXY 70s LADY COP<\/b>
If you think I\u2019ll marry you, you\u2019re dumber than a worry stone!<\/p>\n
(DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP stands and runs out of the restaurant. One of his shoes falls off, but he doesn\u2019t go back to pick it up, because all the other diners are calling for his head.)<\/i><\/p>\n
(Except for one. A MYSTERIOUS WOMAN watches him leave, then picks up his discarded shoe. We hear her thoughts in voiceover.)<\/i><\/p>\n
MYSTERIOUS WOMAN<\/b> (voiceover)<\/i>
Hmmm. There\u2019s something about that man I find fascinating. I shall search the whole city until I find the gentleman who fits this shoe.<\/p>\n
(The MYSTERIOUS WOMAN places the shoe into her handbag. When the camera pulls pack, we see that it is a promotional bag advertising \u201cLost\u201d coming out on DVD! Season EIGHT!)<\/i><\/p>\n
THE END…???<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(GRUFF 70s COP and DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP are chasing down a suspect on foot.) GRUFF 70s COP (panting)We won\u2019t catch him unless we split up. You go down the alley, past the pet rock store. I\u2019ll head toward the Naugahyde factory. We\u2019ll meet at the payphone on Plaid Street and Paisley Way. DISPLACED TIME […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[54],"class_list":["post-126","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-dave-stinton"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=126"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=126"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=126"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=126"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}