Hi all — here’s my take on the “Taxes” edition of Sketchwar.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
FADE IN:\u00a0<\/p>\n
INT. IRS OFFICE – DAY<\/p>\n
Typical government office: small and cheap, with a desk, some chairs, and tidy stacks of papers everywhere.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL (50s, professional) sits at the desk, typing into an old PC.<\/p>\n
GARY (20s, cheap suit, nervy) pokes his head in.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
Gary! Welcome to your audit!<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Mom?<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
Gary, I’m acting in my official capacity as an auditor, here, so you should call me “Mrs. Purcell”.<\/p>\n
Gary takes a seat across from his mother.<\/p>\n
Mrs. Purcell picks out a stack of papers and looks it over.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
Let’s start with the basics. Still... single. Still... a writer.<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
You’re<\/i> doing my audit?<\/p>\n
She plucks out a sheet of paper.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
Now, this list of charitable donations --<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Oh, yeah, that trip to Goodwill.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
You used an out-of-date estimation worksheet!<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Oh no.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
No, this means that you actually should have gotten a refund!<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Whew! Great!<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
But what about this item: “cast-iron household decorations?”<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Oh, that --<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
The ones Aunt Terry gave you?<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Mom, I --<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
“Mrs. Purcell!”<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Mrs. Purcell, it was a nice gift, but Juliet’s particular about decorating.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
That reminds me -- why aren’t you kids filing jointly?<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
We don’t --<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
You’ve been together two years.<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
That’s true --<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
You’re engaged, right?<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
We’ve talked about marriage, Mom.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
“Mrs. Purcell!”<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Mrs. Purcell. It’s not the same thing.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
Is it a money thing?<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
I mean, looking at your taxable income -- maybe she’s holding out for somebody more... solvent.<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
I’m not getting a different job, Mom.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
It’s “Mrs. --”<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Mrs. Purcell.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
I’m just saying that maybe you should be a little better with your money. You’ve donated 0 to -- the Obama campaign?<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Oh, god.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
I’ll just assume you didn’t know what he was planning to do to the tax structure.<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
Can we not argue about this now?<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
At least set up a 529 college fund. You know, for when your kids --<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
We’ve been over this. I don’t even like kids.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
Well, that’s because you haven’t had any yet!<\/p>\n
Gary stands.<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
You know what, Mom? I don’t know how many ethics violations it is for you to do your own son’s audit, but I’m done with this.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
Gary, it’s illegal to --<\/p>\n
GARY<\/p>\n
-- then have me arrested.<\/p>\n
Gary exits. SLAM.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
Oh dear.<\/p>\n
Linda (20s, professional) pokes her head in.<\/p>\n
LINDA<\/p>\n
Was there a problem, Mrs. Purcell?<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
Oh no, Linda, his returns are fine.<\/p>\n
Linda makes to leave; Mrs. Purcell stops her.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
But, put him on the watch list and schedule an audit for next year.<\/p>\n
Mrs. Purcell tidies up her desk.<\/p>\n
MRS. PURCELL<\/p>\n
I think we should keep an eye on him.<\/p>\n
FADE TO BLACK.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Peter’s take on the “Taxes” edition of Sketchwar: “Mrs. Purcell”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[212],"class_list":["post-1099","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-the-taxman-cometh"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1099","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1099"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1099\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1099"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1099"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1099"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}