INT. BASKETBALL ARENA – DAY

Tight on BILL RAFTERY and VERNE LUNDQUIST wearing headsets.

VERNE

Welcome back to Boise where the seventh-ranked Trojans of USC are hanging on to a two point lead over the tenth-ranked Michigan State Spartans. Tom Izzo’s club had trailed by as many as 15 with less than a minute to go.

BILL

The zebras are still trying to sort out that last play.

VERNE

Walk us through the replay, partner.

CUT TO:

Score on CHYRON reads MSU 58/USC 73. Clock at :41. The USC PLAYERS walk out of the huddle and look around confused.

BILL

USC came out of the huddle ready to go straight up

(said so fast it’s one syllable)

man-to-man.

One player walks to center court. There is a LARGE WOODEN HORSE. He takes a NOTE and reads it, then wheels it back to the three-point line.

BILL (CONT’D)

But didn’t know what to make of the gift horse.

The horse splits open and FIVE MSU PLAYERS step out with basketballs. Three of the players shoot from downtown. The other two drive to the hoop for uncontested dunks.

VERNE

Just goes to show that despite the old adage, you should always look a gift horse in the mouth.

BILL

Exactly, Verne. Izzo went old-school and it paid off.

The score reads MSU 71/USC 73.

CUT TO:

Tight on Raftery and Lundquist.

VERNE

Looks like the referees have finished their discussion and they’ve put 15 seconds on the clock. But wait a minute, the Trojans’ mascot is running onto the floor!

Camera pulls back to show the full court. Players mill with coaches by their respective benches. The TROJAN wheels around with the refs chasing him.

TROJAN

Woo-hoo! March Madness, Baby!

He picks up a ball and bounces it off a referee’s face.

BILL

With a kiss!

The SPARTANS’ MASCOT walks on the court. The Trojan stops running and stands in front of him.

TROJAN

This is madness!

SPARTAN

This! Is! Sparta!

He kicks the Trojan in the family jewels.

BILL

Onions!

BLACKOUT: