Medicine of the Future
22 May 2009
by Peter Rogers
Hi all — here’s my take on the “State of Health Care” edition of Sketchwar.
FADE IN:
INT. FUTURISTIC DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
MRS. HUMPHRIES (50s, elegant in a future-y sort of way) sits on a medical bed in the middle of a white, minimalist room. A few blinky, LCARS-looking computer displays hang on the walls. Next to one display is a trough and a button.
A DOCTOR (40s, professional in a future-y sort of way) stands nearby; she takes notes on a handheld device.
MRS. HUMPHRIES
-- and then I vomited and passed out again right there in the spaceport.
DOCTOR
We can grow up a clone for you in about a week, move your mind over to that, and you should be all set.
MRS. HUMPHRIES
Hello? I have a dinner party to attend in two days. It’s the whole reason I came to Centauri.
DOCTOR
Ah.
MRS. HUMPHRIES
So: fix it.
The doctor pulls a syringe out of her pocket.
DOCTOR
I’ll draw some blood.
MRS. HUMPHRIES
With that pointy thing? Are you kidding?!
DOCTOR
Okay. Computer, teleport a blood sample from Mrs. Humphries into the syringe.
A whirring noise, and the syringe is full.
MRS. HUMPHRIES
Why do you need blood? I just want to know what’s wrong with me!
The doctor puts the syringe in the trough, pushes the trough into the wall.
DOCTOR
Computer, diagnose the patient from the blood sample.
COMPUTER (V.O.)
Your patient has -- brain cancer.
Mrs. Humphries rolls her eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh.
COMPUTER (V.O.)
The treatment time is three days.
MRS. HUMPHRIES
I’m going to have cancer for three days?
DOCTOR
We could always put you in a loaner clone, and --
MRS. HUMPHRIES
God, no. Some off-brand body? The last one I had, the nose didn’t work and the right foot kept wobbling.
DOCTOR
I’m sure it will be okay --
MRS. HUMPHRIES
I demand to speak to your boss!
DOCTOR
Computer, send in Dr. Almherst.
ALMHERST (50s, handsome) enters.
MRS. HUMPHRIES
Doctor, I --
ALMHERST
Don’t worry. I heard everything.
Almherst hands Mrs. Humphries a photograph.
ALMHERST
I think we can solve your problem with a sexy robot.
MRS. HUMPHRIES
(off the photo)
Wow!
ALMHERST
Take the tube to the fourth floor, they’ll download you to a sexy robot, and you’ll get your clone back in a week.
MRS. HUMPHRIES
Great! Thanks, doctor!
She exits.
The doctor heaves a sigh of relief.
DOCTOR
That went well.
ALMHERST
I’d say so. And hey, she didn’t even figure out I’m not a real doctor!
DOCTOR
Damn straight! Thanks, sexy-robot salesman!
FREEZE-FRAME on Almherst giving a thumbs-up.
A quick JINGLE is accompanied by an onscreen caption with the same text:
SINGERS (O.S.)
Sexy-robot salesman! He sells sexy robots to you!
FADE OUT.
Tags: state of healthcare
May 23rd, 2009 at 5:39 pm
But really, can't all of the world's problems be solved by a sexy robot?
. As much as it disturbs me, there is something oddly appealing about your vision of the healthcare future. Good stuff 
.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Thank you very much for the new information in medicine and health! I'm a doctor, that's why it is very important for me. Can you answer my few questions in ICQ?
November 6th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Great post…
Jose…
November 26th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Thanks for the list|Happy thanksgiving! |Thanks for the share man |
December 27th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
How will the Health Care Bill effect poor families that can’t make ends meet?
January 13th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Great article. Id like to see more articles from you.
cheers…
January 20th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
I am fascinated at how wonderful the stuff is on this site. I have bookmarked this webpage and I really intend on coming back to the site in the next few days. Keep up the great work!
January 30th, 2010 at 9:49 am
Where there is no vision, the people perish.
February 6th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
I do not generally comment on web sites but I needed to drop in and say thanks for making this, I absolutely agree with the fact and with a little luck people today can understand this argument. See my