An Old Fashioned
Perhaps I took this one a bit too literally.
Lights up on a traditional, proscenium stage. The velvet, red curtains part to reveal a door. Reginald Jeeves (a proper British butler) arrives at the door at the same moment as Lt. Commander Data (a very formal android). Jeeves tips his hat and extends his hand toward the door.
JEEVES
After you, sir.
DATA
I’m afraid I could not allow that. It would be...rude.
JEEVES
Please, sir, I insist.
DATA
I am programmed with the finest manners.
JEEVES
As am I, sir. Please. After you.
DATA
After you.
JEEVES
After you.
DATA
I must insist, sir, that you enter the door first.
JEEVES
I’m afraid that won’t be happening.
DATA
Then we are at an impasse.
JEEVES
It appears -
A Klingon warrior leaps onto the stage and cuts Data’s head off with a Batleth then runs off.
JEEVES
It’s certainly not worth losing your head over.
Jeeves mugs to the audience as a loud rim-shot is heard. SILENCE.
JEEVES
(Under his breath)
We’re not at ComicCon anymore, Toto.
The curtain falls and the lights go out.
Tags: fry and spiner
February 19th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Literal, and literally brilliant!!!
My one and ONLY one criticism is on Data's second line. Any good geek will tell you that Data – unlike his brother Lore – does not use contractions.
February 19th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Love it! Vive le literal interpretation! Short, sweet, and out of the park!
And I'm just a sucker for rim shots and Klingon walk-ins. Add some Benny Hill chase music, and I personally will nominate you for an Oscar.
February 19th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Dammit! I knew about the contractions! That was just human error. Another reason to hire a robot to do this job.
February 19th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Yeah, it seemed like you had gone out of your way to avoid them elsewhere. I figured that one was an oversight.
February 22nd, 2009 at 7:09 pm
[...] from Mr. Robertson, “The Mates Running the Asylum”, “The Modernistic”, “An Old Fashioned”, and my own “Grosvernor [...]