Author: rporter

  • Friday Sketch War: Round Five

    Our hearty meals digested, our concubines put aside, we stepped up to the dohyō. Again, three of us had come to the ceremonial ground to battle for supremacy. The yobidashi brush the sand smooth where we had sat as we step up to the shikiri-sen. Coyote is terrifying in his non-traditional hemp mawashi. He strikes…

  • FSW: Fight the Patriarchy

    I’m firing off an early attack in an attempt to draw First Blood. Or maybe to draw Rambo: First Blood Part 2. Should any new grapplers feel up to entering the Sumo ring of sketch war, please email a link to your submission (or its full text if you are homepageless) to sketchwar_at_dreamloom_dot_com. Fight the…

  • Friday Sketch War: Round Four

    The armies assembled on their respective sides of the battlefield the evening before committing their forces to the attack. Unbeknownst to everyone, Michael stealthily climbed atop a tor a thousand yards distant from the battlefield. Selecting an arrow from his quiver, he pulled his bow taut and let it loose… Hearing the arrow whistling through…

  • FSW: 2008 NFL Combine

    (Scott Van Pelt and Mel Kiper stand in a broadcast booth at an arena. Graphics read “2008 NFL COMBINE”.) SCOTTWelcome back. I’m joined now in the booth by Mel Kiper. Mel, what are your thoughts on the first three days of competition? MELScott, this has been a great combine. It’s been an especially strong year…

  • Friday Night Sketch War: Round Three

    On the killing floor, before the assembled masses the gladiators prepare for battle… David strikes first, swinging his mace with deadly accuracy… Stunned, Michael throws his daggers at his opponents… Bloodied, broken, from hell’s heart Coyote spits at thee Will no one join our bloody conflict? Are your livers lillied and aspects yellow? Until next…

  • FNSW: The Certificant

    (Scott Johnson sits at his desk. Ivo Princip enters the office, wearing a suit and carrying his resume. He crosses, shakes Scott’s hand, and sits opposite.) SCOTTNice to meet you, Mr. Princip. I’m Scott. May I call you Ivo? IVONo. SCOTTO–kay…why don’t you tell me a little about yourself. IVODid you not read my resume?…

  • Friday Night Sketch War

    The stage was set, the battle begun… Notnits fires a sniper rifle from 1500 yards… Michael sets the targeting coordinates on his mortar launcher… Coyote Squirrel lays a series of trip mines This week, three entered the fray. Last week’s border skirmish has now turned into full-scale combat. How many will do battle next week?

  • FNSW: 62nd Annual Moriarty Awards

    (Dancers finish up what must have been a large and elaborate number as lights dim, music stops, and applause is heard. A curtain closes and Billy Crystal walks to the center of the stage.) BILLYWasn’t that great? I’ve been informed that no animals were killed during the performance of that dance, but two senator’s daughters…

  • Joining Sketch War

    Ai-ight. Looks like Michael and I are definitely going to do battle on Fridays. We’ve reached out to a few other writers and have gotten a smattering of interest back, so I suspect we’ll see one or two others joining us this week, and maybe a few more after that. My hope is that we…

  • Friday Night Sketch War

    Fellow Sitcom Room alum and all around great guy Michael Brownlee posted a hilarious short sketch tonight. He’s challenging himself to be more disciplined about writing, and figured writing an occasional short sketch will keep his comedy muscles limber. I agree. As I’ve been extremely lax writing lately, I thought I’d take the opportunity to…