Mad Scientists

This. Is. Not. Funny. It’s got one good joke and maybe three half-way decent jokes in it. I quite like the one good joke but that’s not enough. Sorry. Next week…next week will be a much better sketch. This I swear.

[fountain]
EXT. WWII EUROPEAN THEATER – STOCK FOOTAGE
The Normandy landing, tanks on the march, and the firebombing of Dresden.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
On May second 1945, a team of German scientists led by Hans Kohl surrendered to American forces hours ahead of the advancing Russian army. Fearing the treatment he and his fellow weapons designers would receive under Stalin, Kohl safely evacuated his team to the open arms of the United States.
(beat)
All but one of them.
(beat)
Franz Kohl, the brilliant but mercurial twin of the more famous Hans, was out getting cigarettes when the Soviet Army overran Nordhausen. For the next forty years, the brothers Kohl waged a private and escalating conflict against the backdrop of the cold war. For you see, it was Hans who had sent his brother out to the store.

Title: Very Mad Scientists
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Drac Talk

It is I! Coyote! I bring you this delectable morsel…enjoy it my children of the night!

Moohaha!!!

[fountain]
INT. RADIO STUDIO – NIGHT
DRACULA wears headphones and sits at a mic. The studio is dark, the only light a greenish-blue glow from the board and a narrow spot on his mesmerizing eyes. His accent is pure Bela Lugosi.

DRAC
Good evening. Welcome to another edition of “Drac Talk”. The board is already lit up so let’s get right to the phones. Our first caller is Drazen.
(beat)
Drazen, what’s your question?

DRAZEN speaks with an accent similar but more subtle than Drac’s.

DRAZEN (O.S.)
Hello, your highness.

DRAC
Drac will be fine, caller.

DRAZEN (O.S.)
Yes, Drac. You see, I live in a rent controlled apartment in the meat packing district. What used to be the meat packing district, at least. It used to be a good, quiet neighborhood. Lots of people from the old country, with the smells and sounds I was used to. Many of the people were less fortunate
(beat)
with no families to watch over them.

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The Nerve of Some People

Much as the baseball world was stunned when Cal Ripkin’s streak ended, the sketch world has been in turmoil for the last two weeks as I’ve been absent. At least that’s what my mom would tell me if I asked her about it. It had been over a year and a half straight without a single skipped week; I needed the break.

But I’m back and – as you’ll see from this sketch – as adequate as ever.

So sit back, pour yourself a martini, and click on through for RA’s take on “Bad Manners”.

Continue reading The Nerve of Some People

That’s Rodney!

You know what’s a good, underrated flick from the ’80s? Back to School. Rodney Dangerfield, Robert Downey, Jr., Sally Kellerman and Adrienne Barbeau back when they were particularly milf-y, and a brilliant turn from Sam Kinison. It’s one of those movies that’s far better structured than it has a right to be and pretty damn funny.

Oh, and Kurt Vonnegut has a cameo as Kurt Vonnegut. I won’t spoil the bit if you haven’t seen it.

Anyway, this is my homage to that movie.

[fountain]
INT. DORM ROOM – DAY
JEFF BRIDGES, 18, lanky, and looking overwhelmed, is making his bed in a two-person room. Two suitcases sit on the floor mostly empty. RODNEY GOLDMAN, 50s, wearing a goldfish costume and chewing on an unlit stogie, bursts into the room. Rodney is a cross between Rodney Dangerfield and Eddie Murphy’s Gumby.
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Hippy in the 25th Century

This isn’t much and really pales in comparison to the link I posted earlier today. I was firing on all cylinders in that sketch whereas this one…

This has one little visual joke and is a vaguely cute-ish idea. That’s it. Oh well. Better luck *next* time.

[fountain]
INT. APOLLO SPACE CAPSULE – NIGHT
The camera pans over the capsule, showing the hundreds of switches, gauges, and lights of the craft. Crammed in a back corner we see BILL ROGERS, early 20s and dressed like a NASA technician but with the top of a tie dyed shirt showing under his jumper, holding a bong with “RANGER 3” painted on its bowl in neon strokes. Rogers exhales a cloud of smoke. The capsule begins to shake and a roar is heard.
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